Peace of mind
by AndShadowsWatchingOverMe
Summary: A long forgotten Decepticon soldier seeking solace. A young woman looking for a way out of it all. Alone in the dark they find someone to hold on to. OC centric.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**_ The following story is obviously only a fanfic, the Transformers franchise isn't mine and I'm receiving no money from this. This is only a way of expressing my creativeness blah blah blah. Same goes eith the chapters that follow. I'm not going to repeat this in every chapter so here it is. Not mine. OC's made by me, all else belongs to Hasbro. So there. Happy now?_

**Author's note:**_ After reading my share of Transformes fics I came to a conclusion: I need to write some myself. I'm not sure yet how this is going to work out but let's see, shall we? _

_ The fic is going to e __**OC centric**__, I'm not even sure yet if the Autobots from the movieverse are going to be in this one. I know it's a big turn-off to many readers, so I'm making sure no-one gets disappointed in the end. Sure, if my messed up head decides to spit out a sudden change in the plot (which I'm still working on) the good old 'bots from the movies might pop up but at the moment that seems unlikely. _

_ My experiences of Transformers circle around the three live action movies and two first seasons of Transformers Prime (not to forget all the fics I've read), so all my info comes from those. I haven't seen G1 or any of the others so sorry if things get mixed up._

_ I should probably also mention that English is not my native language and even though I've been studying it for years now, I still need a lot of practice. I mean that's why I'm here! So please forgive me if some of the sentences are messy and weirdly placed or something. _

_ Since I now have gotten all of that out of my nervous heart, I guess I'm done babbling. If you have any questions/comments/suggestions or whatever, feel free to review. I might answer or then I might not. I'm still a bit new to this fanfiction thing so I'm looking for my own way of doing things. _

_ Wish me luck._

* * *

Disturbed

Silence.

Blackness.

The void of life and movement. This was where the Decepticon had found his place to rest.

Time had lost its meaning to him a long time ago. He only wanted to be left alone. He only wanted to rust away in the silence that surrounded him.

So there he was. All alone. In the silence.

How long had it been? It must have been years. It must have been. But the memory was still fresh, like it had happened just yesterday. He had gotten away. He had. The first years had been spent waiting for them to show up, the enemy. They must have known where he was. But they never came. And the memory was still fresh in his processors.

He had sought a place to rest. He just wanted to be left alone. Years had passed. A decade might have gone, he wasn't sure anymore. He had been there to see the Fallen fall and the word of the death of both Sentinel and Megatron had reached his processors. And then, he had thought, was his turn. It had been his turn to slink away, out of the busy world of the organics. He had let his consciousness slip in hopes of never waking up ever again.

Silence.

Suddenly, a disturbance. A rapid beating of an organic heart. Feather light steps from somewhere close. A soft touch. Death of silence. An organic palm touching him, coaxing him out of the stupor he had forced himself. Someone opened his door, something living slipped into him.

Should he act? Should he rip the living thing out of him and break it down? Should he do something?

He felt a little warm ball of flesh curl into his seat. It was trembling in him. Uneven breaths echoed in the vast space surrounding them. He didn't move. After all the years he wasn't even sure if he still was able to. Maybe he had rusted into a statue of a dead car. Maybe. He couldn't find it in him to care. And as the breathing of the organic calmed down he found himself letting go once again. Falling back into the dreamless sleep, hoping it would be the last time he got online again.

And the organic was there. Sleeping soundly in him. The forgotten Decepticon.


	2. Chapter 2

Life was like walking on a thin layer of ice.

Emma had been afraid. She had been so afraid after the incident, fearing for her sister, fearing for her father. She was sure things would change, turn from bad to worse. But it never came. The fallout never happened.

After the… incident… she had feared father would start drinking again. Emma had seen it like it had already happened. Dad lying in his own vomit on the sofa, not caring about the two remaining children, neglecting them, or even abusing them. Little Lesley growing up fearing the father that was supposed to love her and her big sister. And Emma herself… she wasn't sure what she would have done then.

But it wasn't like that. No. Far from it. Daddy had been behaving like a saint from Heaven, laughing, singing, helping them in every turn. Like nothing had happened. Lesley was lucky, she had been so young at the time, she hardly remembered. But Emma did. And so did daddy.

They say that time heals all the wounds. It had been three years and Emma was still waiting. Maybe it was her own fault, maybe her wounds had been infected in the midst of all the fuss. She hadn't given herself time to mourn. And the wounds were not healing.

Three years. It's a long time for a teenager.

Their life was like walking on a thin layer of ice.

Father was there, he was always there. Helping Lesley with her homework, talking about his work at the office, talking, talking, talking. Laughing a little at little Lesley's words and then talking some more. Did he mourn? Or had he like Lesley forgotten it all? It couldn't be. Emma was sure. That was why he sat in the kitchen every night, waiting. A little push, a careless step and the ice would be broken. And there was nothing but freezing water underneath.

Mother.

Sometimes it was too much for her. Sometimes she couldn't take it. On nights like that, when Lesley had gone to sleep and daddy was sitting in the kitchen with the lights on until the clock struck twelve, she couldn't live with it. The silence of the house was too much. The blackness. The void of life that used to be right there. Her father was sitting all alone in the kitchen, like he was waiting for someone to come home from a late night shift.

But no-one ever came. And she couldn't stand it.

On nights like those she got out. She slipped through the windows as soundlessly as she could and ran. She knew father knew. But he never said anything. He just laughed and talked, hiding behind the mask. Emma ran.

There was no-one outside. There was never anyone out there. But she kept on moving. Searching. Not sure what, but she couldn't stop. And she couldn't go back until the clock struck twelve and daddy went back into his room.

And on one night just like that she had found him. In the abandoned factory at the edge of town. Alone. Rusting. Forgotten.

Emma's life was like walking on a thin layer of ice.


	3. Chapter 3

Emma knew nothing about cars. Well, that wasn't entirely true, she knew they worked with gasoline; they usually had four wheels and things like that.

When she had first founded the abandoned car in the abandoned factory she'd thought nothing of it. It was a car. A rusted old vehicle that had been there probably for years. But as time went by, she started spending more and more time around it. She had spent many a night sleeping soundly in it, finding solace in the musty smell of its interior. She felt safe inside it, she felt like she could finally let go of the mask of her life and just… be. But even after long nights spent with it, she still wasn't sure what sort of a car it was. Her scarce knowledge of cars came from movies and all she could really say about this one was that it reminded her of that car from Twilight. The big red thing, that Bella drove. This one was white, though, or had been at some point before the painting had started to flake off and the metal under it rust. Even the logo of the manufacturer had long since rusted into a condition in which it was beyond recognition. Or maybe it wouldn't have been, if Emma had known something about cars.

It had been a long night. Lesley had woken up around ten after having a nightmare. The girl had been terrified and crying and daddy had suggested she would sleep with him for the night. Emma had been listening to the exchange through her door. Daddy had sounded so comforting, talking with his soft voice. And Lesley had stopped crying. After a few more minutes silence took over the house once again and forced Emma to get out.

She didn't want to end up like the others. She had seen what happened to those, who chose to let go. At one point she had felt like she'd be ready to do anything to drown out the emptiness inside her, but Emma knew that once the alcohol started flowing, there was no going back. But she couldn't help it. She needed something. Anything. To get away from it all.

So now she found herself in the car, once again. She leaned her head against the dashboard and let out a long sigh.

After a while she felt a knot form in her throat. A bitter taste in her mouth made her grimace and her eyes started itching.

"This sucks", she whispered to no-one. Her voice was wavering. "This sucks so bad."

Emma hadn't talked to anyone after the incident. Oh well, once again a small false statement. She had talked, but it felt like she had said nothing. When people asked if something was wrong, she would say no. She did speak, but nothing meaningful came out. They were just words. But it didn't matter. It wasn't like anyone would listen anyway.

Shifting in the car she crawled onto the passenger seat. She pulled her legs onto the seat, hugging them tightly.

"Dad was in the kitchen again", she whispered to the empty car. "I saw him. He was sitting there. But he wasn't laughing then."

The empty space of the factory made her voice echo. She wasn't sure who she was talking to. She played with the lines on the broken window of the car. She wanted the emptiness out of her. She wanted to feel something else than the pressure in her stomach that never seemed to fade.

Three years was a long time.

"I was going to go to him this time", she declared silently. "This time I was sure I'd go, I was at the door already. I swear, this time I could have done it. But then Lesley started crying. She'd had a nightmare. Didn't hear what it was about though."

The factory was silent. No-one was there to hear her words. The knot in her throat tightened. Frustrated Emma kicked the dashboard and curled up into the seat once again.

"Like I don't know what she was dreaming about", she muttered to herself.

It was just too much. Too much for her. The pain that never went away, daddy sitting alone and waiting for something, he and Lesley both living like nothing was wrong. Letting out a furious growl Emma dashed out of the car and started kicking at its flat tires.

"Why the Hell did she have to go there? What the fuck was she looking for anyway?" Emma shouted at the empty lobby. "We didn't need anything, what the Hell was she even doing in the town then?"

Blinded with rage she punched at the already broken window spreading the cobweb of splinters even further. It hurt. Her knuckles hurt and she let out a pathetic little whine.

"Why did you have to go…?" she whispered and fell to the ground.

The eerie silence of the empty place filled her eardrums once again. Bitter tears rolled out of her eyes as the young girl about to grow up into a woman sobbed on the dirty ground. The tears were absorbed by her clothes but did little to make her feel better. She knew crying was going to do nothing for her. Nothing was. If she could just die then and there, that would be nice. No more emptiness. No more silence. No more daddy sitting alone in the kitchen waiting.

Half an hour she lay there, sobbing for a while, and then just listening to her own heartbeat slow down. She closed her eyes and rolled on her back.

Emma's eyes wandered onto the chipped window she had tried to assault. It didn't look too good but neither did her knuckles. She had managed only to draw her own blood.

"I'm sorry", she whispered to the car. "I didn't mean to lose it like that. I shouldn't treat you like that; after all, you're the only one that listens to me. You're the only one I can talk to. So I'm sorry."

Closing her eyes again Emma let out a long breath.

The night was over soon. Sooner than she would have liked. Emma got hastily back on her feet and dusted off the dirt from her hoodie.

"I'll be off now", she said. "But I'll most likely be back again. See you again soon."


	4. Chapter 4

They left him alone most of the times. Usually the organics steered clear from the place he had chosen to slumber in. He wanted nothing but peace and quiet, to be left alone.

The Autobots had technology. If they wanted, they should have been able to find him without any trouble. But maybe they had forgotten him as well. Or maybe they chose to leave him alone too.

The concept of time seemed important to the organics, the humans, as far as he could tell. But to him it was nothing. He just wanted to go back into his slumber, to never surface again.

But the fate wouldn't let him. Something out there had seen his sins and would not let him just go offline.

It was the same organic. There had been others, but this one returned night after night, waking him from the meditation of loneliness. She rarely spoke; he knew she didn't know he was there. His programming told him to kill the tiny insect of a human but night after night he allowed her to crawl into him and stay there for hours. Sometimes she would sleep; sometimes she would leak from her eyes. And he was there. Observing. Waiting. Waiting for what, he didn't know. But the female would come back and he couldn't return to his original state of recharge.

She was harmless really. Unlike the others that sometimes wandered into the old factory. She just sat there, sometimes talking to him like she knew he was there. And he didn't mind. Her voice was calming. She was a mere organic and he didn't mind. He liked listening to her voice.

This time she was angry, though. She was crying again. Kicking him. He hardly even noticed, in his groggy state of mind. The little organic femme was ranting and crying some more. Then she punched him.

He felt it. Even in his forced stupor he felt the fleshy knuckles connect with his right door window. The female let out a small whimper as she hurt herself worse than she had actually managed to harm him. Silly organics, they never knew what they were up against. But then again, she had managed to spread the damage on the glass.

The girl stayed for a while, crying on her own on the floor. It must have been cold down there. Her pink flesh resting on the dirty ground. The Decepticon felt his processors go offline one by one until only the audio receivers and the life scans were the last ones left on. That was when the organic said something curious.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lose it like that. I shouldn't treat you like that; after all, you're the only one that listens to me. You're the only one I can talk to. So I'm sorry."

He didn't understand this. Why apologize to someone who she didn't know was there? And why was _he_, an old car in her eyes, the only one she said she could talk to? Were all the organics as odd as this one? Was talking to inanimate objects in their programming or was it just a glitch? Curious little human, this was.

Soon after that she left. He didn't know where the female went during the days, but she always came back. He was counting on it. He would see her again, he would observe her again.

Once left behind he caught himself replaying the human's words again and again in his processor before falling down on his recharge mode again.


	5. Chapter 5

"Come on honey, you'll be late if you don't step up the pace", daddy's words came through the bathroom door.

Emma's eyes were puffed thanks to only two hours of sleep. She could hardly keep them open; it felt like someone had sprinkled sand behind her lids. Quickly she grabbed the eyedrops.

"Honey?" daddy called again.

"Hurry up, Emma!" Lesley joined in.

She stepped out of the bathroom. Lesley was still in her PJs, waiting for her turn to get into the bathroom. She was dancing on her feet, clearly holding her pee.

"Okay, your turn, little ballerina", Emma said with a smile that she had practiced before the mirror for three years now. It was authentic enough to fool her little sister.

"Thanks!" Lesley squeaked and dashed into the bathroom.

"Emma, your bus will be here in two minutes", daddy said coming from around the corner. He was smiling too. His smile was just as authentic as hers.

Emma ran. She was lucky enough to make it. Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't. It was all the same, really.

"You know, maybe it's time for you to get your own car", her friend, Amanda said absent-mindedly.

Emma just looked at her friend. They had known each other since preschool and used the same bus to get to school every morning. Amanda was playing with her cell phone, not really paying attention to anything or anyone. That was the way she was, absent minded. And that was the way Emma liked it.

"Yeah. Maybe you're right."

"I mean, you are old enough to get a driver's license", she continued.

"Yeah. Maybe you're right", Emma repeated.

"Mm-hm."

"Yeah. Right."

The bus was crowded. Emma hated crowds. She hated places where people got too close to each other. It wasn't a phobia, but it made her feel uneasy. Maybe Amanda _was_ right. A car of her own. It wasn't that bad of an idea. At least she would get away from the bus filled with selfish people knocking each other down to get the last places to sit, even if that meant she'd have to replace it with morning rush hours. But there were problems. Like money. Daddy would be more than willing to pay for the driving school but the family car had been wrecked in the… incident… so they would have to buy a new one. And Emma wasn't sure if her father was ready for that. She wasn't sure if she wanted to break the thin ice keeping them safe.

"Have you checked today's news?" Amanda asked.

"Hmm? No. I haven't."

"Oh Okay. Might as well do it myself." And then her friend's attention was back on her phone.

A child was crying loudly in the other side of the bus. The mother was doing nothing to calm down the little one. People were talking, laughing, smiling and arguing. Emma felt the need to get out. The walls of the bus were caving in on her.

"Oh, you won't believe this!" Amanda said with excitement. "The Autobots were seen in the city yesterday. There was a high-speed chase – "

Emma got up so quickly that she dropped her bag and her schoolbooks fell on the ground.

"Oh no…" her friend said looking pale. "I'm sorry. I totally forgot."

"It's okay", Emma answered with a forced smile. "You know, were getting close to school. I think I'll just walk the rest of the way."

"Oh Emma, come on!" came the whining sound of her friend, but she was already out of the vehicle.

The city was dreadful in the morning. Everywhere around her people were moving about, car horns were honking and kids rushing to school. It was pure anarchy, or so it felt. Emma's high school was only few blocks away but it still seemed to be too close for comfort. A few girls she recognized as her schoolmates ran past her, not wanting to be late. Maybe she ought to run too. After a short pause she sped up her speed a bit. She wasn't going to be late. And so what if she was. People were still acting like she was made out of porcelain around her. Teachers wouldn't scold her; pupils would look at her with pity in their eyes. Emma could only wonder if those looks would ever be wiped off of their faces.

-o-o-o-o-o-

History, biology, a free period and them some math. That was what the day had in store for her. But first she had to endure fifteen minutes of the homeroom teacher with the rest of the class. The teacher was talking about something unimportant. Emma hardly even paid attention, picking up her biology book to read the chapter that had been given as homework.

"– and that's about it", her teacher declared. "Oh no, wait. I nearly forgot. The annual pamphlets of this year's optional courses are here."

The students all around Emma were groaning with frustration. She lifted her head from the book when a thick notebook was handed before her.

"Now I know, I know, you are all really busy and you have no time to waste", the teacher said rolling her eyes, "but just read the pamphlets. The headmaster is breathing down my neck. Literally. All of these are optional, you are _not_ forced to take any of these courses but they would look good on your future resumes. Just think about that, will you?"

No-one was really paying attention anymore and half of the leaflets were tossed in the rubbish bin. Emma was just about to discard hers as well when her homeroom teacher came to her.

"I really would recommend some of these for you", she said softly. "I know things have been hard for you, but don't you think it's time to move on?"

Emma stiffened a bit, looking blankly at her teacher. She didn't want to hear this. She didn't. Her classmates shot sorry looks at her and she felt her heartbeat quicken. Her hands started to shake a bit and she wanted to do nothing but run, run out of the classroom, out of the school and away from everyone.

"Now, I'm not trying to be harsh, don't get me wrong", the teacher continued, oblivious to the fact that her student was trembling before her. "I just think that it might do some good for you to get a new hobby. To get your mind away from all the bad things. It might be therapeutic."

"Okay", Emma ground from between her teeth that had clamped shut. "I'll take a look."

"Good. Good", the teacher said, obviously pleased with herself.

Emma walked out of the room as quickly as she could without exactly running.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"So, anything good in there?" Amanda asked during the lunch break.

Emma kept on flipping the pages. Sewing. Drama. Artwork. Nothing. She shook her head.

"Thought so", her friend said smugly.

They were sitting with a big group of people that Amanda would have called their friends. Emma felt like she was sitting with a bunch of strangers that for some odd reason knew her name. She remembered some of them. Others' names escaped her memory.

"Let me see that", a girl with a pierced eyebrow said, wiggling her fingers.

"Sure", she muttered offering the pamphlet.

"Let's see. What should our little Emma do? You said your homeroom teacher pretty much forced you to get on one of these?"

Emma nodded. While it wasn't entirely true, refusing would lead into a long unwanted conversation with the teacher. So she would rather get over with it and try something new. At least she could start one of them and then quit after a few weeks claiming it hadn't been as interesting as she had expected.

"Hmm… What is it that you do in your spare time?" the brow piercing girl asked.

Emma was confused. Spare time? "Nothing", she answered truthfully.

"Well, you used to take singing courses, right?" Amanda asked.

"Yes, until the teacher begged me to stop", she said humorlessly.

Her friends laughed like she'd just told the best joke in the world.

"Well maybe you could try painting or something", the girl with the piercing said. Emma was pretty sure her name started with a C. Or maybe L.

"Nah, not Emma. I think what she needs is an IT course. She knows nothing about computers", a girl named Casey said from the other side of the table. "She could learn something, you know."

That was when all Hell broke loose. Suddenly everyone in the table had an idea and all of them wanted the pamphlet for themselves. They were shouting over each other and Emma felt the need to hide take over. She was about to excuse herself when two girls managed to rip the leaflet into pieces. Shreds of paper fell on the table and suddenly they fell silent again. Emma just stared at the page that had fallen before her.

"Oh man. Sorry, Emma", someone said.

"We didn't mean to…"

"Are you okay, girl?"

Emma just stared at the little piece of paper with even smaller letters on it. She picked it up as her friends were looking at her like she was a ticking time-bomb. She didn't even seem to notice. Her eyes were glued onto the black print on the paper.

_Basic car mechanics for dummies._


	6. Chapter 6

Arriving at home Emma could smell something cooking in the kitchen. The smell was familiar. Daddy had taken it upon himself to cook for them all after the incident. Emma guessed it was one of the things that kept the man sane for the first few months. And the habit had stayed.

"It needs more salt!" came Lesley's soft voice.

"No, it need more… Lesley!" daddy said. Giggles and playful screams followed. Emma could hear how much fun her sister and father were having. She just wanted to slink into her room for the rest of the night.

"Emma, honey? Is that you?" daddy asked poking his head out of the kitchen.

Hiding a sigh she nodded.

"Good. Come and help set the table, will you."

It was spaghetti night. Lesley was stirring the pot of Bolognese with a goofy grin on her face.

"Hi, sis!" she said with a smile.

"Hi. What're you cooking?" Emma asked with fake enthusiasm that she had honed into perfection much like her smile. "Trying to poison us all?"

"No!" the girl shrieked. "You dummy, this is yummy!"

"Ah, my girl is a poet. Makes me so proud", daddy said, handing three glasses to Emma.

Lesley just giggled and kept stirring the pot.

Food was quickly ready and soon the family – or what was left of it – sat down around the table.

"So Emma, tell me about your day", daddy said like always. Emma wasn't sure what he was expecting asking the same question every day and getting the same answer every time. Maybe it wasn't about what he wanted to hear. Maybe it was about what might be left unheard.

She was about to say: "Nothing special. What about you?" like always, but stopped before the well practiced words could slip through her lips. She started fidgeting with her fork, keeping her eyes on the table.

"The teacher gave us the pamphlets today. You know, about the optional courses. "

Both Lesley and daddy had fallen silent and Emma could feel them staring at her. She refused to lift her eyes though.

"Ah. Yes, those", daddy said warily. She had broken the habit. He must have been interested to find out what had caused this new turn.

"Yeah. And I was thinking… I might actually start attending."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Basic car mechanics… for dummies."

The table was quiet. Under the table cloth Emma had gripped her hands into tight fists.

"Well… that's… wonderful, honey. It sounds nice. All I'm thinking is… why cars? And mechanics? I didn't know you were into those kinds of things."

Lesley was silent. Emma took a peak at her sister. The girl was looking at her quizzically.

"I thought I should… try something new."

"Well…" her father said, as if he was trying to find the right words. "Good for you. Yes. And maybe now would be a good time to talk about your driver's license. Have you thought about that yet?"

Emma nodded, still making no eye contact. "I'm not sure yet…"

"Maybe we should take things slow then", daddy said and Emma could hear something in his voice. Something. It was so silent that it almost got lost in the words he spoke. But between the lines, there was something. Was it hope? Emma wasn't sure and she didn't have enough courage to look up and see if she could see the same from his face.

She helped her father to clean up the table. Lesley went into the living room but not before she could give Emma a tight hug. The act made Emma gasp in shock. Without a word her sister left her perplexed.

-o-o-o-o-o-

That night Emma was sitting on her bed, listening to the silent noises the house was making. The little creeks and whines of the roof as the cold air tried to pry their shelter off was almost comforting to her. She could also hear daddy in the kitchen. He was sitting there again, waiting. Emma rose from her bed and tiptoed to her door. Carefully she pushed it open to see the familiar light emanating from the old lamp. She could see her father's shape in the kitchen, hunched against the table. She almost got out. She almost went to him. But then she closed the door and fell back to sit on her bed.


	7. Chapter 7

The organic had been gone for two days now. Sometimes she did that. Usually he would just stay in stasis and the time would go by unnoticed. Not this time though. It seemed like after the unintentional punch the Decepticon had been unable to fall back to his previous slumber. It was irritating. He would stir every now and then to listen to the voices. Smaller organics would scurry across the floor, small rodents running away from something. He had tried to move every now and then but his engines only groaned at his fruitless efforts. After a while he gave up. It wasn't like he was going to go anywhere anyway. He knew how to be patient. He knew how to stay still.

He had stayed in the old factory for ten years. Now that he was back online, things started to come back to him. He had found this place right after the events set in motion by Sentinel. He had seen what the Autobots did to his comrades. And frankly, it wasn't the kind of future he was looking forward to. He was a coward, had always been. That was after all the reason he had joined the Decepticons in the first place.

It was so silent in his hiding place. Hardly anyone bothered him in there. His sensors picked movements in the far end corner of the hall. A fat rodent was picking at the trash there. These organics were so odd. He was perplexed by them. How did they work? What fueled them? He kept following the movements of the tiny mammal. It was squeaking silently, it probably didn't even notice the rusted vehicle only few meters away from it.

The Decepticon tried to emit a sound. Any kind of sound. But it would seem like his vocal processors had malfunctioned at some point, all he could produce was a sound of static. He wasn't really surprised. After the battle some of the Autobots had given a chase and shot at him. And the years of sitting on his aft hadn't really helped. He started testing on his other features. He gave another try at moving. His seams gave a painful groan and some of the old painting flaked of. But he wasn't able to move. He felt so tired. Maybe he wasn't meant to move anymore. Primus knew he would have deserved it. After all he had done to cover his own aft.

He just wanted to fall back offline. For good. Maybe then he could find peace. His processors kept on replaying the events in his head. The events of his life. It wasn't pretty. And Earth was far from the first organic planet he had landed on.

Dear agony, he thought, settling down and ceasing his useless attempts to move. Shutting his censors again he attempted to get back into stasis.

-o-o-o-o-o-

His scanners came alive with a rush. A warning flashed through his processors and he felt once again how he was forced back online. There was movement close by. Organic heart was beating somewhere near. At first he thought it was the female. He felt his spark radiate warmness in its chamber at the thought of her. But then he picked up more heartbeats. The organic wasn't alone. And she never came with company.

Five males stumbled into the factory hall. A quick scan revealed the small gang was highly intoxicated. They were loud and staggering heavily. It wasn't the first time drunken organics had found the abandoned building suiting for their nightly fun but before he had been so deep in his stasis he had only partially noted their existence. These creatures were vile. It was surprising how different substitutes to the same species could differ so much.

The four males talked for a while, swigging form their bottles every now and then. Nothing out of the ordinary. But then one of them seemed to notice him sitting in the corner.

"Hey man, look at this piece of shit. I wonder how long this has been here", one of the more sober ones slurred.

"I don't know, man, it has been here as long as I can remember", another said.

The one that spoke first came closer.

"Damn", he said. "What a piece of crap."

"Yeah."

From out of nowhere, a can of some sort appeared. The Decepticon scanned it to realize it had paint in it. Too late he understood what the man as about to do.

He couldn't see what the organic was doing but it was degrading. He felt low as the other males started to laugh and joined in the fun. He tried to move again, to force the others away from him, but managed only to squash one of the organics feet under his flat tires.

Such a brave warrior he was.

"Hey!" a clear voice rang out from somewhere close by. "What do you think you're doing in here? I already called the cops; you aren't supposed to be in here!"

"Shit", one of the organics said and dropped the can. "Let's bail."

The five of them scurried of surprisingly quickly considering their state of intoxication. He scanned the area again, but the source of voice was too far away. His life scan wasn't what it had used to be. But he knew the voice. It was someone he knew well.

The female organic came closer, walking with careful steps. She was looking at him with the smallest of smiles.

"I can't believe they fell for that", she said so quietly he barely heard it. "Idiots. Oh, but look what they did to you."

He was already scanning the damage. The paint was still wet and dripping here and there. Since he wasn't able to transform, he couldn't see what they had done. But he could guess it was nothing pretty.

"Human genitalia", she said grabbing the spray can from the floor. "Should have guessed." The female gave the can an experimental shake.

"Nope. There isn't enough left to cover the damage. Sorry pal."

Figures. He would have vented if he still believed it to be possible.

The female opened his door and slid in like before. He could feel her now, the soft pressure of her body on his seat. She was emanating heat from her little carbon based frame. It wasn't completely unpleasant feeling now that he actually paid attention to it.

"I talked to dad today", the female said. "I mean more than usually. He seemed pleased. But I still wasn't able to go into the kitchen."

Her voice was soft, a bit rough around the edges but not cringe worthy. She was playing with her hair now.

"I told him about this idea I had. He seemed so happy all of the sudden. Maybe I'm finally doing something right. It feels good, the idea. Yeah. Maybe it's a good idea."

She shifted a bit and rested her head against his dashboard now. The little human's hand was petting his steering wheel.

"Yeah. I think it's a good idea. I'm going to fix you up. How does that sound?"

Oh yes. It sounded nice. Her voice was so soft, she sounded so sleepy and –

Wait.

What?


	8. Chapter 8

The car mechanic course for beginners wasn't really that popular. Emma let out a sigh of relief as she peeked into the classroom. She was the eight and apparently the last student to step in and the teacher closed the door behind her. She gave a tentative smile at the older man with bald head and long bear braided into a neat ponytail.

"Alright", the teacher said playing with his beard as Emma found a place to sit. "Welcome to car mechanics one-o-one, the course for those who know nothing but are eager to learn. We have only so many lessons left so let's get started. The name's Leroy and you shall call me by my name, no 'Mr. Teacher' bullshit, got that?"

Emma was looking around the class, taking in the other students. There were five girls including her plus three boys. Everyone else was sitting with a pair except one boy. He was waving at her, beckoning to come and sit with him.

"Oh yes, you are going to need a pair on this class, so off you go, girlie. Next to the young gentleman over there."

Blushing with embarrassment she stood up and slinked to sit next to the boy with a thick pair of eyeglasses. She did not want to be rude but she couldn't help it. As she sat down, she leaned as far away from him as possible without actually leaving the table.

"Today we'll be starting with a quick look a basic stuff, I'll have to see how much – or little – you already know and what we need to work on more. We'll get you comfortable with the terms of use, explore some car parts together and see how the engine basically works. All safe and easy for beginners like you. If we have time at the end of the lesson, we will proceed into a bit more complicated stuff but let's learn to walk before we start to run, shall we?"

"Hi", the boy next to Emma whispered. "My name is Max."

Emma glanced at him but averted her eyes quickly.

"Emma", she whispered.

"Emma? Nice to meet you", the boy said with a smile. She tried to mimic that but failed trying. Instead she nodded awkwardly. Turning her face away from the boy she let her eyes examine the room again.

These people were complete strangers to her. She knew no-one. At first the idea felt terrifying. Her palms started to sweat and she was having problems listening to the teacher talk. The room started to spin in her eyes. Oh did she wish she would have had someone with her, even Amanda. She would have complained the whole way through but at least there would have been someone to latch onto.

"Hey, you okay Emma? You're looking quite pale", the boy next to her said with worry.

"Y- yeah. Thanks for asking."

The boy was smiling now. What had he said his name was? Would it be rude to ask him to repeat it? He had remembered hers. What was it…? Oh yeah. Max. That's right.

"Just relax, okay. I can see you've got some emotional package in there. Don't worry, we've all got some", Max said grinning. "But just remember. These people don't know you. They can't judge you. Just take it easy."

Emma could do nothing but stare. He was right. Absolutely right. These strangers had never seen her, they didn't know about her past. Her family, her mother, he personal problems, they knew nothing about them. And most likely they didn't even care. They would not look at her like she was the sorriest creature on earth; they wouldn't do that because they didn't know.

Suddenly she felt the tension in her stomach ease for the first time in a very long time. It felt odd to have it gone, actually.

She didn't have to be anything in here. Nothing was expected out of her.

This time she managed to smile. And it was a real one.

This was going to be good.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The first three lessons were easy. Emma was surprised at how quickly she was learning, especially when she wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty. Max wasn't that bad company either. She still only talked to him when she was talked to, but the boy didn't seem to mind.

Things were looking up at home too. Emma was feeling better. She didn't feel the compelling need to run and hide every time Lesley and daddy were laughing and having fun. She didn't sneak out to the factory that often either. She actually did her homework at home, not during the break before the class.

But she couldn't stay away from the rusty old car forever.

One night she slipped out through the window carrying with her more than the usual attire. She had some tools, an old radio with batteries and a blanket. She took them all to the factory and got into the good old car.

"Sorry that I've been gone for so long", she said with a smile. "But I just haven't had the time. Been busy at home and at school and… well, you know."

She took the small radio into her hands and started playing with it. At first she got only static noise.

"Damn. The field in here isn't what I had hoped for", she muttered. She fidgeted with the thing for a while longer until she managed to find a radio station that worked. It wasn't exactly what she had hoped for, the music wasn't her favorite type, but anything was better than complete silence. She placed the radio on the dashboard.

"I'm actually enjoying the car mechanic course", she said to the car.

_'Oh really?'_ she pretended the vehicle would say.

"Yeah. I guess my teacher was correct. It is good to get my thoughts away from mom."

She followed the line of the stirring wheel with her index finger.

"I never told you about my mom, did I? No, I guess I didn't. She's dead now. I guess you already figured that out."

She pretended that the car felt pity for her.

"Don't you dare to pity me!" Emma said. She had always wanted to say that to the people that looked at her like she was made out of glass. "I don't need your sorry excuse of sorrow. _I'm_ the one who's hurt, don't you dare to make this about you."

How she had wanted to say that many times over. But now that the words finally slipped out of her tongue, they lost their fire.

"Sorry. I guess it's still a hard subject for me. I mean, c'mon. I haven't even talked about this with my _own father,_ I'd rather sneak out into an empty factory at the edge of town to talk to myself than talk with him, although he obviously wants to talk about it. What's wrong with me?" She felt tears forming in her eyes. "I mean, three years is a long time, don't you think? I should be okay now, shouldn't I? I should be over this already, but I can't… I…"

Emma covered her face with her hands and let out a sigh. She knew she should be talking about this with her father, not an inanimate object, but she just couldn't do it. And she knew daddy was  
waiting for her to take the first step, to make an initiative. That was why he sat in the kitchen every night. Every night he was there, waiting for her to come closer. Even after three years he was still waiting. But she just couldn't step through the door. Instead she ran.

"She went out that day to buy groceries. No big deal really. Nothing out of the ordinary. She could have done it any other day, at any other hour, but no. She was there. And things just… happened, you know", she heard herself talk. She didn't even bother to wipe off the tears. They would've been just replaced with new ones.

A happy tune started playing from the radio. Emma laughed humorlessly.

"What am I doing?" she asked. "I shouldn't be moping around. Yeah. Right. Like I can help it. But still. I should get a grip." Swinging the door open she exited the vehicle. "Maybe I should take a look under your hood. You know, so I'll know what I'm dealing with. I take it you have nothing against it."

Stepping out and before the car she forced the hood open. It was stuck at first but with a struggled groan she managed to crank it up.

Emma wasn't exactly sure what she had been expecting, but this definitely hadn't been it.

The engine was in nearly as bad condition as the rest of the car but what was under the hood wasn't something she had seen on the basic car mechanic course. It was something more… complicated. Biting her lip she kept staring at it.

"Ooo-kay. Uhm… I'm not sure if…"

She lost her hold on the hood and it slammed down almost taking her fingers with it.

"Hey! That was uncalled for!" she scolded the car as if she was expecting it to say it was sorry. "I was just so amazed with your engines that I didn't know what to do. I mean, yes, there's a lot work to be done down there", she continued tapping the cowl with her finger, "but I have to admit I've never seen anything as complex as that."

That was when she burst into a laughing fit.

"Oh, I'm just taking this too far, aren't I? Soon I'll be talking to the walls as well." Smiling sadly she added: "Well, it was a well known fact that I'm going crazy, so why not keep talking to you as well. At least you're not judging me."

Opening the hood once again she made sure to keep it up this time. Getting smashed and killed by a car hood had never been part of her plans for the future.


	9. Chapter 9

The female organic had the most soothing voice. It was almost otherworldly. Maybe it was because of the deep rooted sorrow in it. He didn't know nor did he care. As long as she kept talking to him, he was okay with it.

From time to time he played along, pretending he was answering to her silent monologues. He would have really liked to say something to comfort the little organic. But there was one small problem.

_Vocal processor: Offline_

The last day of the battle over a decade ago had been tense. His fellow Decepticons had been flying over head shooting at anything and everything that was alive. He had been with them, joining the cowards alike who liked to kill weaker life forms only to feel better about themselves. He didn't even know how many he had killed on that day. He truly had despised humans.

But at this point it didn't matter. He had been alone for so long that any company felt nice. Especially when the company had such a shooting voice. Soft.

He had been pummeled pretty badly in the battle. He had wanted nothing more than to run away from it all. But the Prime, Sentinel, he would have had his spark for that.

The moment he had seen the big bot get shot, he had fled. He'd taken the form of the first vehicle that got on his way and drove off. But not without his fair share of battle wounds. Currently all of his weaponry was offline, he wasn't able to move, his sensors were working with only 25% efficiency and as stated before, his vocal processor was offline. He was useless at his state if he wouldn't get help soon, he most likely would rust into pieces. Well, that had been the plan all along, so it wasn't that bad.

He knew that he should have been able to repair himself in ten years thanks to the little nanobots, nanites in him, but obviously they had not done what they were supposed to. Maybe they were offline too. It wouldn't have surprised him.

The female got off of him. He felt the inexplicable need to whine and lock his doors to keep the little organic in him but it was too late. He could still feel the warmth lingering on his driver's seat. The human was now standing before him, a sad little smile playing on her lips. What was she thinking? She was getting closer now. She was touching his scowl with those miniscule hands. Was she going to…?

Oh no.

The hood was yanked open unceremoniously and his engine was left out in the open. He had never felt so exposed in his life. And the female, she was just staring at him, he could almost feel her eyes on him, taking in every inch of his insides. And she wasn't saying anything.

"Ooo-kay. Uhm… I'm not sure if…" she started.

As quickly as he could, he slammed the hood back down. The female had no right. He knew full well his apparatus wasn't what it had used to be, he could feel the rust itch down there as well, and she didn't need to see that. Oh, how he must have looked so pathetic in the eyes of the organic. A powerful Decepticon like him, decaying away. If he could just offline then and there…

"Hey! That was uncalled for!" she said sounding so hurt the former Decepticon thought for a moment she knew he was more than a car left for dead. He felt his spark thump with absurd fright and excitement until he realized she was once again talking to no-one, although aiming her words towards his car form.

"I was just so amazed with your engines that I didn't know what to do. I mean, yes, there's a lot work to be done down there but I have to admit I've never seen anything as complex as that", the organic said.

Amazed?

She started laughing and he was more than lost.

"Oh, I'm just taking this too far, aren't I? Soon I'll be talking to the walls as well", she giggled. "Well, it was a well known fact that I'm going crazy, so why not keep talking to you as well. At least you're not judging me."

No, he realized, he was not. She was only just a human, he thought, judging these lower life forms based on their behavior would have been hypocrisy. The little human opened his hood again and this time he let her. Giving up the fight he tried to force himself back into recharge. He did not want to witness the merciless poking his insides were about to receive.

"Hmm… Let's see…" he heard the human say as she started picking at him. "Well, some of these parts do look familiar, I can say that much. But it isn't really helping much, is it?"

He could feel her fingers roaming around his cabling. He felt a shiver run through him and it wasn't completely unpleasant. But it was obvious the female had no idea what she was doing.

After fifteen minutes of poking and silent murmuring she finally pulled away from him.

"My diagnosis is: I need more lessons", she said with a sorrowful smile. "I had no idea you would have this complex… motor… thing. Geez. Should I just give up already?"

Maybe that was a good idea. He had no problem with the human sleeping in him, but this was getting a bit too personal.

The female finally retracted her hands and the Decepticon was surprised to notice that he was a bit disappointed because of it.

"I should probably ask the teacher about this on the next time I see him", she said to herself. "Nah. Who am I kidding? I could never muster the courage. You know me."

That was true. A human that spoke only to dead cars. She most likely wouldn't go asking advice from other humans.

"Hm. Should probably take a picture all the same", she mumbled and dug out her cell phone. "Oh wait, what is this?"

What was what? What was what?!

The female leaned over him once again and wrapped her fingers around something in him. He couldn't feel the touch so it must have been something that wasn't supposed to be there. The female gave it an experimental tug. Nothing happened. Then she gave it a bit stronger pull.

Whatever it was, it came off with an electric burst. He felt power surge through him like he hadn't felt it in over ten years. His engines came alive with a roar, headlights lightened the whole factory lobby and made the female let out a frightened shriek. He turned off immediately to calm the little organic down and it worked. She must have thought it was some sort of a malfunction in him.

Whatever it had been, it was gone now. And suddenly a message shot through his processors.

_Nanites: Online_

_ Commencing the self reparation._

He vented out a sigh. There went his hopes in rusting away in peace.


	10. Chapter 10

"So… How's the car course thingy going?" Amanda asked with a wiggle of an eyebrow.

"I don't know what you mean", Emma answered with a silent sigh.

"Oh, you know. Are there any boys in there? You know, handsome and muscular and ready to help helpless ladies with any trouble they might have with… cars… and stuff."

"Oh. That. Well then the answer is yes, it's going well."

"Really? Tell me all about it?"

"There are no cute boys in there."

"Oh come on!" Amanda whined. "Live a little."

Emma couldn't help but smile a bit at that.

"That's what I'm trying."

They were sitting with their schoolmates on McDonald's, stuffing their faces with fast food. Everyone was laughing and having fun. Emma even caught herself smiling a couple of times. It was nice.

The girl with a pierced brow – whose name was Carol by the way – was retelling a story from one of her dates or something and everyone was listening and giggling at it. Emma played around with her napkin, trying to picture the scene in her head. Carol was making it easy by telling every single detail about it.

That was when Emma noticed a familiar face. It was Max from the course. He spotted her as well and waved his hand at her.

"Is that guy waving at us?" one of the girls asked, sounding scornful.

"I don't know. I hope he's not going to try and hit on us", another giggled.

Paying no mind to the girls Emma got up and walked to him. He was smiling like meeting her had been the best moment of the day.

"Hey, girl. I didn't know you'd hang out in a place like this", Max said with a warm smile.

Emma shrugged and tilted her head towards her friends. "I was forced."

He laughed. Emma felt a small smile tug the corner of her mouth.

"Well, I'm glad I met you, I need to talk to you. Would you come and sit with me for a moment?"

Emma glanced at the girls. All eyes were on them now. Amanda looked like hers were about to fall off of their sockets.

"Sure", she said. "Why not."

Max was sitting on the other side of the place. He was a real gentleman, holding the chair for her. He was acting all strange and nervous Emma realized. She gave him a questioning look, but he said nothing.

"So… Um. Here you are", he said with a nervous laughter.

"Yes."

"Cool. Cool."

Max was a skinny guy. He must have been nearly 190 cm long and that made him look like a beanpole dressed in a hoodie and jeans. He also had messy hair and glasses so thick they must have been bulletproof. And now he was fidgeting with his frenchfries like he was about to squeeze them into mash.

He seemed to be at a loss for words. Opening and closing his mouth like a fish stranded by the low tide. Emma felt bad for him, but she didn't really know what to say either. Being social had never been one of her best skills.

"Eh… So", he finally managed to say. "I've been meaning to ask… Would you… I mean… No. Uhm."

Emma tilted her head just a bit. That seemed to make him blush. His face was an interesting shade of purple.

"Nah… forget it", he said with the air of defeat. "Let's talk about something else."

She nodded, not really understanding what they had been talking about in the first place.

"So, now that you are here, I've wanted to know for some time now, so I hope you don't mind me asking. Why did you choose car mechanics?"

At the end of his sentence Max was talking with the speed of a lightning and Emma could hardly understand what he was saying. But she did. And frowned.

"Well…" she began slowly. It wasn't exactly a question she could easily answer with a word or two. "At first I guess it was a way to get my mind off of… some other things."

"Things like what?" he asked.

Her frown grew deeper and she turned her face away from him.

"Hey, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to", Max said quickly. "I was just curious."

Emma nodded. "But there is something I'd like to be able to do. There's this old abandoned car…"

"And you want to fix it?"

She nodded slowly. He started grinning.

"You think it's stupid", she said.

"No, not at all. That's actually one of the reasons I'm on the course. My pa has this old Volkswagen Beetle that's been rusting on our yard for years and he said that if I could get it moving, it'd be mine. So I got on the course to learn a bit before poking my head in it. What's your car like?"

A bit embarrassed she said: "Well… it's white."

Max stared at her for a moment until he started laughing at her.

"Wow. Good luck with the repairs."

Emma felt hurt and it must have shown on her face.

"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that. I mean sure, you just need some time to learn. Um… Is there anything else you can tell about the car? Maybe I could help."

"…Not really. There's this one thing though. The engine, I've never seen anything like it. Well, I'm not saying that I've seen that many motors anyway, but it was so out of place that I was surprised to see it. The car itself is old and rusty, looks like a piece of shit really, but the engines… I don't know, I just – "

Emma caught herself and felt a blush creep on her face. She had started babbling like a carefree school girl that she was supposed to be without even noticing it. She clamped her mouth shut, shocked with her sudden liveliness.

Max didn't seem to mind though. He was smiling like Christmas had come early that year.

"Maybe it's better if I just show you the picture", Emma mumbled and picked up her phone.

As she showed the picture she had taken from the car, Max's eyes grew wide.

"Woah. I don't think I've ever seen anything like that!" he exclaimed.

"My thoughts exactly", Emma countered leaning closer. "I'm not sure if the basic mechanic course is going to do much good with this one. It's too… I don't know… complicated I guess."

"You have got to let me see this car!" Max exclaimed excitedly. "This is amazing!"

"You really want to see it?" Emma asked surprised.

"Yes! That is… if you would take me. There, I mean. Um… I just…" he started stammering again.

"Well, I'll be going there again this evening. It's at the old factory."

Max lifted his eyebrow at that but said nothing. Instead his face melted into a happy smile.

"I'll meet you there at seven. Is that okay with you? I mean, I have to work till six ad it'll take some time to get to the other side of the town and – "

"Oh no, no", Emma cut in, not sure why she was blushing all of the sudden. "Seven is good."

"Ah. Okay. Seven is good", Max said with a grin.

"I… I better get back to my friends", she said slowly.

"Sure. I'll see you at seven."

Emma wasn't too happy to get back to her friends. She could see from afar that Amanda was going to ask thousand and one questions and she wasn't really sure if she had all the answers.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Daddy? Is it okay if I'm going to meet a friend at seven?"

The question seemed to startle Emma's father out of some deep thoughts. He was looking at her like he didn't understand the words that had just gotten out of her mouth.

"Say again", he said.

"Well… There's this guy, Max, that I met on the car mechanic course and we thought it would be nice to… um… are you okay?"

Daddy was grinning like a maniac. It scared Emma, really.

"What? Oh, yes. Of course. Of course. Have fun honey."

Relieved that things would go easy, Emma was about to excuse herself from the table. They'd just had lunch and Lesley was at some friend or something.

"Wait for a sec, will you honey?" daddy said, patting the table with his hand. "Now, I know I should have talked about these things with you a long time ago, but it never really felt necessary."

Not really understanding what he was getting at Emma sat back down.

"I know you are a big girl already and most likely know about these things more than I'd like you to at this point but we're still going to have this conversation. You know…" he said a bit awkwardly. "About birds and bees."

Emma felt her face go from blank to tomato red.

"Daddy…"

"I know this is not the most comfortable subject to – "

"Daddy."

" – talk on the dinner table, but Lesley is out and I don't see any better opportunities any time soon, so – "

"Dad! He's not that type of a friend!" Emma nearly shouted embarrassed.

"What? Oh… Well, I still think we should – "

"Please, stop! They told us about these on upper secondary already, dad. Believe me, I don't want to hear this."

Her father let out a long sigh. "Go figure", he mumbled. "I'm not even sure if I would have been the right person to teach you about these things anyway. So they talk about this at school? Isn't that a bit… unorthodox?"

"It's part of the health education. They don't want us girls to get knocked up in the middle of the school year."

"Ah. Yes. Makes sense, I guess. So, when will you be leaving to meet this Max."

Emma glimpsed at her phone. "In… half an hour maybe? It's not far from here."

"Oh. Okay", he said with a worried smile. "Now, are you sure – "

"Yes!" she said with a genuine laugh. "Relax dad, it's not like this is the first time I leave the house after the sunset."

"Yes. But this is the first time you have asked my permission."


	11. Chapter 11

The nanites were tingling in his substitute for veins. They had been repairing him for quite a while now, and it was starting to pay off.

He realized this as a voice rang in his processors.

_Transformation ability: Back online_

He knew he should have not done it; he should've stayed on his alt mode to the end of his days, because that was what he had planned for himself. But he couldn't help it. He wanted to get back on his feet, he wanted to remember what it felt like to stand tall and move around like a free 'con.

Ever so slowly he vented out some hot air and began transforming. It was slow at first, as if he was trying to be careful or didn't quite remember how it all worked. His joints were creaking with the rust of the years and his right servo got stuck for a while but it was all worth it. He stood up and vented again. Some steam blew out through his seams but damn if it didn't feel good to stretch a little. Cables and wirings that had been knotted for too long got straightened, his joints clicked as he moved them around. He felt good. He felt alive.

It had been too long.

The former Decepticon was shocked when his life sensors picked up a heart beat getting closer. For a giant transforming robot from outer space he sure was a coward. He panicked and got back to his alt form faster than he had thought would be possible at his current state of being.

It was a male human that he had never seen before. That was odd. Usually the organics came in groups, with the exception of his favorite little human. This lanky organic that seemed to consist only of long limbs was walking straight toward him. The former Decepticon let out a low growl that didn't quite reach the human's hearing range. He had so hoped the signal would belong to the tiny female. He would have loved to show her what he truly was. What would she say? How would she react? Oh, he should have to show himself to her now, she would be so surprised. And maybe even pleased. After all, now she could have someone to talk to, she would _know_ she was talking to someone.

But that would have to wait. Now there was this organic male whose hormonal levels were spiked and his heart was beating with excitement. Damn organics.

"Wow", the human said as he got closer. "So you are the one she was talking about. You sure are a piece of crap."

Oh really? He had to fight the urge to get the organic and squeeze him until he took those words back.

"But let's see what's under the hood…"

Oh no he wouldn't. He would not let some random organic open his hood and stare at his insides. There was only one human that he would ever allow to do that and that had been an accident as well. A lucky accident since the nanites were working freely now, but accident all the same.

The puny little human tried to open up his scowl. He really did. The Decepticon could see him tremble as he tried to force the hood up. It was rather hilarious really, to see him try and fail. Trying one more time, with all his strength now, the human managed somehow to trip on his own feet and fall to the ground.

He couldn't but laugh at that. His car frame started shaking a bit and the human was staring at him with a small hint of fear in his eyes.

"What the heck…" the human muttered.

Maybe he should frighten the flesh bag even more. To threaten to ride over him. To make sure he would never come back to the little sanctuary that the Decepticon dwelled in. He was just about to, when he sensed another organic approaching.

Those small steps he could recognize from anywhere. There was only one organic that moved like that. And the Decepticon felt this spark run cold. The male organic, he would have to get him out of there. If he would do anything to the small female, he would personally –

"Max? Is that you?" rang out the soft voice of the female.

"Yeah, I'm over here", the male answered.

The human female came into the view of the male. The Decepticon could feel the male's heart beat faster. What was going on?

"You didn't have to wait too long, did you?" the female asked.

"Oh no, no. I just got here myself… Emma."

The male human sounded all strained as he said the female's designation – Emma, he thought and saved to his memory – and his facial bloodstream seemed to increase, coloring his cheeks red. The Decepticon followed with interest, trying to understand what this newcomer was doing in there.

"So…" Emma said awkwardly. "Did you take a peek already?"

"I tried", the male said rubbing his head. "Didn't get the hood open though."

"Huh? That's weird."

The female – Emma, he reminded himself – walked past the other organic and came to stand next to him, the old car. Her hands came to rest on his hood and he felt the warmth of them seeping through the cold metal. Her fingers started playing with the old painting on his hood and he had to stop himself from purring out of satisfaction.

Then she yanked him open without a warning. He couldn't help but let out a small whine but neither of the humans seemed to notice.

"Amazing", the male said looking astounded.

Emma was smiling. Then she actually looked at him, at his insides.

"That's weird…" she muttered.

"What is?"

"I could have sworn this was in worse condition when I last saw it."

"Maybe it's the light?" the male suggested.

"Yeah… maybe you're right…"

Thank Primus for the dumbness of the human nature. Emma looked suspicious but the male could not care less. At least they had that feeling in common. The Decepticon had only spent a couple of minutes with this new organic, and it was enough. A part of his irritation came from the fact that he was now openly staring at his insides, which was a privilege the former warrior would have not given so freely. The other reason was the fact that he was standing way too close to the female now. He wanted the male to leave him and his little human alone. They had gotten along just fine before, when it had only been him and the… Emma. They did not need other organics to scrap everything up.

"So", Emma said softly. "What did you want to talk to me about earlier today?"

The male's hormonal levels spiked again and the Decepticon had a bad feeling about this. The male started stuttering, his heart was beating faster and faster and he had started to perspire in a disgustingly fast manner. Oh, and his face was red again.

"Um… It was nothing really", he said, not looking at the female.

"Uh-huh", Emma said, crossing her arms.

"I mean really. I… uh… well…"

Emma took a step closer and put her hand against his shoulder.

"It's okay" she said silently. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I won't laugh at you. You are my friend."

"Woah", the male said with a lopsided smile that didn't look that convincing. "Way to friendzone a guy. Yeah… Well I was just going to ask you out. On a date. With me, that is. If that's okay with you."

The Decepticon noted with growing worry that Emma's body temperature was on the rise. Now her heartbeat had started to accelerate as well.

"Do you mean that?" she asked almost inaudibly.

"Yeah", the other organic mumbled scraping at his head.

"I… I mean… No-one has ever… I'm not sure, if…"

"Oh, no stress", the boy said quickly, lifting his hands up. "I mean, I don't really have any experience in these things either, so… No, that didn't sound too good now did it? Um…"

The female was laughing now. It was a small giggle, a sound the Decepticon had never heard her make. And it didn't make him too happy.

"Come on", the male said. "Let's sit in this piece of crap of a car."

Emma punched him much to the Decepticon's delight. Not hard though, but she did punch him.

"If you are going to get into him, you better be _respectful!_" She said with a playful tone.

"Sure, sure. I'll be nice to your… beautiful car."

"Thank you Mr. Sarcastic."

"You're welcome."

As the female sat on his driver's seat he couldn't help but feel empty. It wasn't like what it had been before, when she had come to the factory alone. The male sat on the passenger seat, talking like he didn't know how to shut up. The former Decepticon hated this human. Hated him with gusto. And he wanted him out of him.

"Have you thought about renovating this thing?" the male asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean if you want to get something done before you even know how to work with the motors, you could always start with like… buffing your baby out, hone the rust off and give him a paintjob. You could at least get him shining, you know."

Okay, maybe he had judged the human wrong. He had known him only for what… fifteen minutes now. The Decepticon did like the idea of getting his exterior looks polished a bit. After all, there was a painted picture of human genitalia on his side now.

That was when the human male leaned closer to the girl, saying something so softly he couldn't hear it. Emma started blushing and stammering when the male shut her up with his lips.

Well. This was awkward. And he really couldn't get away from them either. Oh dear Primus, now they were making disgusting smacking sounds with their mouths. This wasn't his little female, she wasn't like this. She was all shy and guarded, not like… like… Oh dear Primus, what was that? All of this was the male's fault.

Frustrated with the organics in him he shook the passenger seat making the male human lose his balance. The Decepticon followed with dark amusement as he got back up and looked around astounded.

"What the Hell was that?" he asked.

The girl got out of the car quickly, blushing furiously.

"I… um… I think… uhm… I should probably go", she said with a weak voice. Then she turned around and run.

Oh, he had known it. His little organic would never want a lanky male like that to connect his lips with her. He felt satisfaction noticing the male look confused and even a bit angry.

"What the Hell", he repeated and smacked the dashboard.

The Decepticon was tired of this measly little human. He had no right to walk into his hiding place and act like he owned the place, trying to look at his engines and steal his human. It was time to show him what he was dealing with. He dashed the seat the human was sitting on, making the male hit his head against his dashboard. The male let out a pitiful groan.

The human tried to get out of him, but the Decepticon wouldn't let him. As the male organic tried to graps at the door handle, he snaked his seatbelts around the human's skinny waist and pulled him back on the seat. The door slammed close and he was left at his mercy.

"Wow, wow, wow", the human said, slowly turning pale. "What just happened?"

The Decepticon chuckled darkly, but only static noise escaped his vocal processors. That seemed to freak the human out though, so he couldn't complain.

"Um… Emma? If this is your idea of fun, I'm not really into it…" he whined. The Decepticon tightened his hold against him blocking the boy's airway for a moment until he let go a bit.

"Shit", the male said weakly.

The Decepticon roared his engines, making his whole frame shake with power. The poor little human was wailing now.

"Oh God, please let me out of here!" he cried. "I don't want to die in a car out of Stephen King's book!"

Ready to oblige he threw the boy out of him and roared his engines again. The male tried to get up but fell down as his feet didn't seem to listen to his commands.

The Decepticon remained in his alt form. It was just too fun. He was sure the organic was going to wet his pants at any moment now. He sped up towards him, making the boy cry in terror and run out of the factory as fast as he could.

He was very pleased with himself. He doubted he would be seeing the organic ever again.


	12. Chapter 12

Maybe it was something she did. Maybe the kiss hadn't been as good as she had thought it was. Or maybe it was the fact that she had run out of the factory like a scared little girl she was. Whatever it was, Max had been awfully quiet after their short meeting down by the factory.

So, turning to the only person she thought could help her, Emma sat down with Amanda to have one of those "girl talks", that her friend was so fond of.

"So now you want my help", the girl said sounding hurt.

"Look, I'm sorry about it", Emma said for maybe a thousandth time.

"I still can_not _believe that you would hold information like that from me. I'm your best friend, damn it!"

"Yeah, I know. But at the time I was not interested in Max, his proposition came as a surprise to me. I mean we had only talked like a couple of times during the courses, nothing more. But I'm sorry."

Amanda gave her a scornful look but sighed then. "Fine. You're forgiven. Now, what was it that you wanted to talk about?"

Emma squirmed uncomfortably on her chair, not sure where to start. They were at Amanda's house, the girl's family was currently out of town, so they would have all the time they needed.

"We were out the other night… and things got a bit… um…"

"Heated? Oh my God, tell me more!" Amanda squealed, oblivious to the fact that her friend was in obvious discomfort.

"Well… we kind of sort of… kissed. A little."

This time Amanda's squeal was nearly deafening.

"It wasn't like that!" Emma growled irritably. "And besides, I don't think he liked it all that much."

"What do you mean?" her friend asked, scooping closer.

"Well… He pulled out first. And not slowly like in all of those romantic movies. No. He sort of… jerked away. Like he wanted to get away from me or something. And he looked so… I don't know… shocked. Scared even. I think he started to regret what he did."

"Oh, girl…"

"And the worst part is I ran way. I was so scared, I mean it was my first kiss and all and I was shocked and… and… He hasn't spoken me ever since."

Amanda leaned in to give Emma a hug. Oblivious she might be to certain things, but relationship problems were her area of expertise.

"I'm so sorry, honey. He's a real douche bag. But you know you never have to see that scum bag again, right?"

"Well… we do go to the same course, you know."

"Oh yeah. That thing."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Emma didn't know how to confront her problems. She never had, her normal strategy on dealing with problems was running away and pretending none of it had never happened. It wasn't exactly a good way to do things, but it was the only way she knew.

Sitting next to Max on the evening course made her wish she could barge out of the room and hide under her bed until the danger was gone.

But no, she couldn't do it. She would have to endure. Somehow.

The teacher was talking about some finer details of car repair but Emma honestly couldn't concentrate. The words were turning into slur in her ears and she could see Max clenching his fist like he was trying to stay calm or something. Emma bit her lip and tried to listen to the teacher.

" – but that just might be a bit advanced to your level, so let's just keep it simple. Now, there are some sounds you need to listen to while driving your trusted car. They can point you into right direction when you're suspecting something is wrong with your vehicle. Firstly – "

Clench. Relax. Clench. And then again relax. Emma's eyes were glued onto Max's fists. His knuckles were white from the strain. His skin was flexing over the narrow bones. Emma gulped. She lifted her eyes from his hands only to see him looking at her. He was looking like there was a storm raging in his head. Emma turned her face back down.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"We should talk", said a familiar voice behind her back.

Oh no. Run. Run!

Emma turned around to face Max with a blank expression.

"Sure."

The rest of the class was heading out. The sun had already set and street lamps were lighting the pavement.

Neither of them said anything. They were just walking along the road, both waiting for the other one to start.

Okay. Okay, Emma thought. Time to be brave, time to be the one to go first.

But before she could say a word, Max cut in.

"Today's class was a bit awkward."

"…Yes."

"You know… thins thing between us…"

"Yes?"

"I don't think it's going to work."

After a long pause she said: "Yes."

They walked in silence. Emma was fighting the urge to flee, biting her lower lip so hard she could taste blood.

"Maybe you should stop attending these courses."

That shocked her to stop walking. Had he really said that? Emma gave Max the look of pure hurt.

"Oh! No, I didn't mean it like that. I don't really mind if we attend the same course, we never really got into the real dating thing, so I think we could, you know, get along just fine. But… I think you're on the course for wrong reasons."

Now she was confused. Max was looking at her almost pleading.

"I… I don't think I understand…"

"I mean, I've seen my share of horror movies, and I really don't want to be the guy that gets slaughtered by the ghost car just because he picked the wrong girl and I'm not saying that you're a wrong girl, I'm just saying that I don't want to get in the middle of this shit storm, cause I have seen how these things end and – "

Now getting scared thanks to his actions, Emma stepped away from him.

"What are you talking about?" she asked confused.

"The car. The whole thing is bullshit, you should _not_ try to repair that thing and if that's why you are on the course, I don't think you should stay there."

"What?" Emma asked, now angered. "You said you're there for the same reasons. Your father's Beetle. You told me this. Why should _I_ be the one thrown out of the course?"

"This shit is not about you and me", Max argued. "This is about – "

"Bullshit!" Emma screamed, tears in her eyes. "Are you stupid or something? Or do you think I am? Fine, I'll quit the damn course. Are you _happy _now? I never want to see your ugly face again. Never!"

With that she turned around and finally got to do what she was good at.

She ran away as fast as she could.


	13. Chapter 13

"Honey?"

"Leave me alone, dad."

"But honey dearest, if you don't start packing you are going to be late. Besides, it's your day of mechanics and car maniacs. This should be your fun day!"

Her father's lame efforts of humor did nothing to Emma's foul mood.

"Go _away!_ I'm not going back there with that _jerk!_"

Not bothering to ask any permission daddy came in and closed the door behind him.

"Did you and… um... what was his name again… had a fight?"

"Max was _not_ that kind of a friend", Emma muttered. "But yes. We had a fight. And I'm not going back there. He asked me yesterday to not to go there and that's what I'm going to do. Not go."

Her daddy was smiling now, not a reaction she was expecting. He pulled out a chair and sat down.

"Alright. Let's hear it. What did that scum bag do to my little girl?"

Emma couldn't help but smile at his father's wannabe tough-guy words that suited him poorly.

"It's nothing really. He just got angry I guess and wanted me out of the way."

"Do you really think leaving the course was a good idea?"

Emma just laughed a bit.

"Yeah. Didn't really want to see him and the lesson weren't really helping that much anyway. I'm no car mechanic. I don't even know what I was thinking. Me? On a car mechanic course? I must have been delusional. And my project seems to be a bit advanced anyway. I'm going to have to think of something else."

"Still don't want to talk about this project of yours, huh."

"No", Emma said with a faked smile. "You'll see in time. I guess I could say it's a surprise."

"You know, Lesley is getting real excited about this. She's been asking about it for a while now."

Oh that Lesley. Sweet little girl. She deserved a better big sister. She truly was a sorry excuse for a sibling.

"I'll go and talk to her", she decided out loud, making her father jump in surprise.

Little Lesley was watching cartoons in the living room. Something about some big headed fairies or something. Emma sat next to her on the couch.

Now would be a good moment to say something bigsisterly. Something about youth and growing up and what not. She wasn't able to come up with anything. Biting back a huff of frustration she leaned back and started watching the kids' show with Lesley.

After a while of following the colorful critters fly on and off the screen, she couldn't help but start giggling.

"What are these things?" she asked with curiosity.

"Pixies", Lesley said with the tone of seriousness only a child lie her could manage. "Everyone knows them."

"I don't remember ever seeing you watch… pixies… on telly."

"That's because I haven't."

They fell into a comfortable silence. The creatures with bigger heads than their bodies were doing some magic and squealing like they were on helium or something.

"How's the car thing?" Lesley asked, surprising her sister.

"You mean the mechanic course? Yeah. Well, it's not going all that well. I quit."

The girl averted her eyes from the screen.

"What?"

"Yeah. I thought it was time to start learning these things myself."

"Are you sure? I mean… Oh please, don't go back!"

Lifting an eyebrow at Lesley's strange words she gave the girl a look of question.

"Don't go back to your old self. You're doing so good. Me and daddy are rooting for you. So just… don't…"

Feeling like crying Emma picked her little sister on her lap and clung onto her. It had been a long time since she had hugged her sister and it felt good.

"Don't worry, sis. I don't think there's anything to go back to. So we're good."

Lesley was sniffling to her shirt and she could feel the wet tears on her, but it only felt good. How she had feared when mother had died, that it would be dad who caused worry to the smallest one of their family. But no, she had been the one to make Lesley cry.

Luckily that part was now over. She was getting better. Things were finally looking up in her life, and she would not go back to what she had used to be. Life had its ups and downs, sure. She'd just have to learn to live with them.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Now that she had officially dropped out of the car mechanics, there was a small problem that basically came down to the fact that she still didn't know enough about cars to get on with her original plan.

And she was _not _giving up on her plan. Max could go to Hell all he wanted.

Sitting on her history class next to Amanda she was trying to come up with a solution. Sure, she could wait a year to go to the class held then but she really wanted to get down to business already. There had to be something she could do.

There was another… well it wasn't a problem really, just a slight mystery. The car seemed to be repairing itself.

She had visited the rusted old thing a couple of times only to notice that the engine was looking better and better every time. It was perplexing. Was someone else fixing the thing while she was gone? Would somebody else claim the vehicle? Oh no, she would not let that happen. She had seen him first. And if it was Max playing around with her… Oh, she would make his life a living Hell with the help of her wing mate, Amanda, who had some experience on treating ex-boyfriends.

"Stop thinking so hard", Amanda mumbled next to her, drawing onto her notebook. "You're making my head hurt."

"_Your_ head hurts when I think?" Emma asked. "Wow. That's just… Wow."

"Smartass."

There were other courses she could attend to. There were other cities with their own programs. But she didn't feel too good about that. She wanted the easy way out.

"Just please tell me what you're thinking. It's the least you can do", her friend whispered as the teacher kept talking.

"Well… You know how I quit the mechanic thing?"

"Sure."

"I was attending those because there's this old car that I want to repair. You know, to have a car of my own?"

"Okay", Amanda said rolling her eyes. "Why can't you just buy a crappy old car? It'd be a lot easier."

"Do you want me to tell you this or not?" Emma hissed.

"Oh. Whatever."

"Now that I'm out of the course, there's no way for me to learn what to do. I'm lost! I want to do something with my hands, I want to – "

"Amanda and Emma", the teacher cut in slowly. "Are those your voices I'm hearing?"

"Sorry, won't happen again", Emma's friend said sweetly, fluttering her lashes innocently.

"Sure it won't", the old woman said.

As the teacher kept on talking about which ever war it was this time, Amanda bent over with a look of pure trickery on her face.

"Would you like to get a bit… bitchy… on Max?"

"What? I don't even know what that – "

"At the end of every relationship – be it short or long – is the part I like to call: 'Payback time'. So, what do you want to do?"

Giving her friend a scolding look Emma hissed: "We never really got to the dating part, thank you very much and that isn't my problem!"

"Fine, fine", her friend said curling a lock of hair around her finger. "Be that way. So you want to fix a car. Big deal. Do as every other human being does when faced with a problem. Google it."

Staring at her friend puzzled, Emma was about to ask more, but she was interrupted by the teacher. She was giving the class an assignment that should be given on the next Friday. Groans could be heard from all around the classroom.

The bell rang before Emma could pester her friend with more questions and Amanda left her standing in the crowd. She was forgetful like that and Emma had learned a long time ago that her friend meant no harm leaving her alone every now and then. She was just a little light headed. And at the time she had needed a friend just like that. Even more after the incident.

But Amanda did have a point. She could just use the Internet to get the info she needed. Sure, it would not be as good as getting the lessons she needed but at least she could get started on a bit more basic stuff. And then get on the course on the next year. Yeah. That _was_ a decent plan. And besides, there was someone else working with the car, doing her job for her. If only she knew who it was… Well, that was a problem she could work on later.

Now she had some research to be done.


	14. Chapter 14

The female was scrolling along with her cell phone, mumbling to herself every now and then. He was interested to know what she was looking at but she was sitting in a position that hid the screen from his line of sight.

Emma swore silently and waved her phone around in a circle.

"God damn it, there's little to no field in here! Good place you chose to spend an eternity in."

He had to stifle his chuckles not to frighten the girl.

"Oooo-kay- Let's see about this", she mumbled and shifted her position. She was now resting her feet against his dashboard and leaning against the seat with a look of utter relaxation. He couldn't complain about that and he didn't even want to. It was all too nice to have her with him there; he wanted to do nothing to ruin that. "It says here that the first phase of repairing an old car is taking it apart. Then comes welding, motor work, the interior of the car and finally polishing and painting. Huh. Okay. Well' I don't know how to take you poor thing apart yet, neither do I have money to get a welder yet. I could always ask daddy, but I'm not feeling like it. And I want to be absolutely certain that I know what I'm doing before I start tearing at your cabling."

Yes. He would have liked that as well.

"We have a grinder at home, though. Oh, you don't want to know how we got _that_ thing. Maybe… Do you think buffing you out at this point would be completely insane?"

Most likely not. His nanites were quickly putting him back together, he was already at 45% capability and the speed the little bots were working on was picking up. He didn't want to treat the little organic as a lesser life form anymore, but he really didn't believe she would be able to do any good to his engines. But his exterior was a part of him that the nanites wouldn't be able to work on. So yes, grinding his rusty metal clean would be a good idea.

"Damn", the little female murmured. "I just don't know how to do anything right, now do I?"

No, no, no. He hadn't meant it like that. Argh! What was he even thinking about, she didn't hear his thoughts. Stupid old processor was getting glitchy.

Putting away her phone Emma shifted again, now playing with his seatbelts.

"I guess I can start with a quick and rough polishing. It won't get you all shining or anything, but at least I would feel like I'm doing something. Yeah. That's exactly what I'm going to do."

He could not object to that.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Emma had left to go home for the night. The former Decepticon transformed and stood up. Slowly, careful with his still awry stability sensors, he got to the entrance of the factory. The sun had set hours ago and the sky was dark. The female's trail was still barely visible on the ground, she had walked west from where the factory was. The old Decepticon vented a sigh and crouched down on the floor.

It would not take long for him to get back into a near pristine condition – save for his looks – and he wasn't exactly sure what that meant. In a few short months he would be ready to do… whatever he wanted, really. He knew that he couldn't stay in his little hiding hole forever, sooner or later he would be forced to leave. And he would rather like to be able to choose the moment of his departure by himself, he did not want to be forced to do it.

There were a number of choices he could make once he was working properly. The safest choice would probably be just running – or maybe he should say driving – away as fast as he could. The Autobots were still out there that was for sure and he did not want to get on their way. They would offline him in nanoclicks. He should probably find a new place to hide. Or then he should find safety in numbers. That was his other option, to seek out what remained of his fellow Decepticons. He would no doubt be forced to fight, but maybe that would keep him from offlining so soon now that he wasn't feeling so suicidal anymore.

But he didn't really want to go back to those glitch heads anymore. Most of them had been like him, too scared to think for themselves. He wasn't really looking forward to that. Besides, they would most likely greet him as a deserter anyway. If he knew anything about the leaders of the Decepticons, they would rip out his spark if he ever showed his face plates again.

He didn't want to go back.

He didn't know what to do.


	15. Chapter 15

Emma was standing by the window, ready to toss the grinder out before sneaking out of the house again. She had hauled the heavy thing in from their nearly forgotten garage to her room to recharge the battery and now she was ready to go. But damn if the thing wasn't heavy. She heaved the grinder up only to drop it through the window so it crashed loudly down. Freezing deadly still she listened to the sounds of the house. Could it be that no-one had actually heard her? Daddy should have heard, he was probably still in the kitchen. But if he did, why was he not checking out what all the noise was? Someone could be breaking into the house, for Pete's sake.

Emma tiptoed to her door and opened it slowly. She could see the all too familiar shape of her father in the kitchen, but he was all slumped. Feeling a bile rise on her throat, Emma sneaked out of her room and into the kitchen.

Daddy had fallen asleep. His cheek was resting against the table and he was breathing calmly. Emma covered her mouth no to cry. Why was she not strong enough to face him? And why did he night after night sit by the table, like he really thought she was about to come out of her room to talk to him?

Not wanting to leave him there without a blanket, Emma fetched one of her own and put it over him. Then she sat down across him. For a moment she just sat there, looking at her hands on the table, playing along with the lines on the wood.

"I'm so sorry, daddy", she whispered. "I know that you want to talk about it. You probably need it as much as I do, but… but… I just can't. Not yet. I'm too scared. I'm sorry."

He looked so calm. He was sleeping soundly. Emma rubbed her eyes tiredly.

"I know I'm making you worry, sneaking out every week and coming back after you've gone to sleep, but I can't help it. I'm sorry. But things are getting better. I can feel it. So just… be patient. I'll come to you when I'm ready."

With that she stood up and left the house. She picked up the grinder she had dropped and headed towards the factory that had become more than another home to her. It was time to get down to business.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Okay, old pal. Let's get started!" Emma exclaimed with an almost happy tune. "Grinder: check! Batteries: check! What else…? Oh yeah, where's my mask, I'm going to need my mask and the goggles. Oh, oh, oh and the ear plugs as well! I don't want to go deaf because of this."

She could have sworn she saw the car flinch. She laughed at the thought.

"We're going to keep this simple", she said, trying to keep up her good spirits even after seeing daddy fall asleep where he was sitting. "I'm just going to give it a shot and see if I can get that gruesome excuse of graffiti off of you. This thing is really heavy, you know. I probably won't be able to do this for too long."

Plugging her ears, covering her eyes with the goggles and pulling a simple breathing mask over her face she grabbed at the grinder. She could hardly lift it. Getting it to the factory had been hard enough, actually using the thing would be… interesting. She certainly hoped she wouldn't end up tearing her own skin off with the damn thing.

At the first the grinder almost managed to get the best of her, but Emma wasn't about to give up. She started out slowly, letting the machinery do the job as she tried to hold the damn thing still. But she noticed soon that her hands were tiring. Letting out a sigh she turned it off and put it on the ground.

"Whew. This is going to take a long time", she said sitting down and resting her back against the frame of the car. "But that's okay. It seems that time's the thing I've got excessively."

After resting a while she got up and walked to the painting she was trying to remove. Well, now it was scruffier than before and she had managed to peel some of the rust off as well, but she couldn't really call her work professional.

Interested to see how the engines were faring, she opened the hood. The motor was nearly gleaming now. Emma frowned a bit. She really wanted to know who was fixing _her_ car. Should she leave a note? What should she do?

That was when the radio turned on by itself. Emma was so surprised she jumped back almost chocking on a scream that tried to get out of her throat.

"Whaaat?" she mumbled and inched closer to the door. Yep. The radio was playing and the music flowed out of the broken window to echo in the empty lobby. It was either creepy, or very funny and she wasn't exactly sure which. The music was all glitched thanks to the bad receptor of the old radio and their bad location, but it was music none the less.

Not sure why, she found herself smiling. Weather it was a nervous smile or a genuine one, she didn't care. Smiling was always better than crying.

"Malfunctioning now, are we? At least now I know there's still some power left in your car battery", she said with a slightly wavering voice. Listening to the radio station for a while, she managed to laugh a little. "Hey, how did you know I liked this channel? You glitchy old thing."

Climbing into the car she turned the music up. It had been a while since she'd listened to music she actually liked and the feeling was refreshing.

"If you think you can lure me into forgetting the polishing, you're wasting your time", she said with a smile, closing her eyes for a moment. "C'mon. It's like going to doctor. You just have to live with it. Even though this would probably be closer to plastic surgery than real honest medical treatment, but don't you pay attention to little things like that."

She could have spent the rest of the night listening to the soothing music. It was nice and cozy in the car, the moist smell of the interior made her feel like she was safe. Where else would she even have wanted to go? She would have probably fallen asleep there only to wake up in the morning horrified that she would be late from school. It would have been possible. It didn't happen though.

_"And now, dear listeners, it's time for late night news. Tell me, Chrissy, what was in today's headlines."_

_ "Well, there was quite a lot, actually. The peace negotiations in the East are beginning again and the U.S. government is sending more troops in. There's also been talk about the new influenza. Nothing serious this time, but people are getting anxious and are asking for the vaccinations already."_

_ "Sounds kind of serious, don't you think?"_

_ "Oh yes. But on the brighter side, we got reports that the Autobots are expecting new recruits to arrive around these days. They have sent beacons to fellow Transformers to come down to Earth and it's finally becoming a reality!"_

Emma felt her spine go rigid as she froze on her seat.

_"That is good news. I hope this time they won't bring those nasty Decepticons thought. Remember that attack ten years ago? That was brutal."_

She couldn't breathe. It felt like she had frozen over, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't move. Her fists were clenched so tight it hurt. She didn't even notice how the car started to shake around her, she could only hear the words coming out of the radio.

_"Indeed it was. But luckily this time our government is prepared and any hostiles will be taken care of. We actually have the interview with Optimus Prime in here. Should we play it again for the listeners?"_

_ "Yes, I think that's a brilliant idea!"_

Emma smashed her hand against the on/off button silencing the radio. It didn't come back alive. For a moment she could do nothing else but to stare out of the car, tears in her eyes. Then she got up and left the factory.

She'd had enough for one night.


	16. Chapter 16

Dear Primus if the grinding didn't feel awful. He could feel the girl was doing the best she could but it just didn't feel good. He just wanted her to stop already.

Finally Emma let go of the grinder and put it on the floor. She looked tired and the little organic was waving her hands in the air.

She had looked worried when she came in. He could tell she had been crying again, her eyes were all red and puffy and her body temperature had dropped. She wouldn't talk about it though, and he didn't really know how to ask. Soon she had started talking about the polishing and the Decepticon was glad to see she got over the sadness – even if it was for a moment. But if the price to pay for it was the teeth clenching horror of grinding, he wasn't sure if he would be able to take it.

She moved to open his hood to take a look again. Emma was looking worried. He didn't like that. He didn't want her to look like that. He wasn't maybe the best company a socially awkward teenager could have, but at the moment he was the only one around.

So he did what he could.

He turned the radio on.

Okay, maybe it wasn't the best idea. The human was now looking scared rather than worried. She had a deep frown on her face and she whispered quietly: "Whaaat?"

He just didn't know how to do anything right, now did he?

Then she started smiling. It was a small, tentative smile, but smile all the same. He felt relieved.

"Malfunctioning now, are we?" the female asked, the other side of her mouth twitching upwards. "At least now I know there's still some power left in your car battery. Hey, how did you know I liked this channel? You glitchy old thing."

He felt the unexplained happiness fill his spark.

Trying to process the feelings that were running amok in his processors, the Decepticon tried to find memory files that would be compared to what he was experiencing currently. He was disappointed to find out that there were none. As sad as it was, he had never been as happy as he was now, as a dead car stuck in closed quarters. What did that tell about his life?

The female climbed into him, sitting comfortably on him and he felt the need to vent happily. It felt good to be trusted, it felt good to be liked. But the thing was, she didn't like him as _him._ She still saw him as a lifeless vehicle.

He was nothing to her.

No, that was not true.

But it was.

No, it _wasn't!_ So what if she didn't know the truth? He could always tell her. She deserved to know the truth! She was fixing – well, at least trying to fix – him into a condition in which he could be used as a household car. Or that was the conclusion he had drawn. She needed to know the truth at some point.

She deserved to know the truth.

But what would she say? He might have been a sorry excuse of a Decepticon, a mere deserter at that, but a Decepticon regardless. And he knew humans didn't really find his kind that… reliable. Well, he couldn't exactly blame humanity for that, but it was still inconvenient. He could of course lie to her, but he didn't feel too comfortable about that. And what if she'd ask his designation? He had lost that as he fled from the ranks of his kind, abandoned it with the rest as it didn't suit him anymore. Would she think less of him if she found out about that?

As his processors were starting to overheat with the amount of unanswered questions, Emma was humming along to a song played on the radio. She might have had a nice voice, but singing wasn't really her thing. Apparently she had no ear for music.

Should he tell her that he was a civilian? A neutral party? Or would it be better to just stay with the truth? And then there was obviously the problem with his vocal processor. There had been no improvement and he was still unable to communicate with humans the way they did with each other. His comm. link was online and working well as far as he could tell but that was not going to do much good with the organic.

He knew his superiors would have been horrified to find out that he was actually considering on befriending an organic. A weak little human, at that! They would have never agreed to that. The Autobots seemed to be quite fond of all sentient life, but that had never been the Decepticon way. They were a bit like humans, he thought. The Decepticons always sought the ways to profit themselves, to protect their own race at all costs – usually leading into their own demise. He couldn't help but see the similarities. But then again, some of the pesky little organics obviously shared the heroic ways of the Autobots. A strange species they were.

His thoughts were rudely interrupted as he felt the human go rigid in him. Immediately getting worried he scanned her to find out that her heart had started to pound faster, her hands had clenched tightly and the blood had left her face making her look sickly. Feeling a sense of dread grip around his insides he tried to make her move, to get her out of the shock she had gotten in. The female was just sitting there, looking straight forward. What was her malfunction? What the slag was going on?

The radio hostess was talking about the Autobots. What was Emma so shocked about? Why was she being so… so… unnatural? He didn't understand this at all.

The female was nearly violent when she closed the radio with force. He could sense uneasiness coming in waves from her. The girl had tears in her eyes again. She didn't bother to explain them however when she all but ran out of him and left the factory as quickly as her little feet could carry her.

He wasn't exactly sure what he was supposed to do to that. Was now a bad time to show what he truly was? Should he wait more, let her cool her nerves a bit? Going after her might not be a good idea, but he couldn't help but feel the need to do just that. Only the fear of leaving the damned place kept him still. Oh yeah, and the fact that even if he did catch up to her, he wouldn't be able to say anything. The Decepticon deserter would have probably ended up scaring the little organic even more.

He vented. It was obvious now, wasn't it? He was doomed. He would not be leaving the factory by himself, he would not be rejoining the Decepticons neither was he going to give himself in to the custody of the Autobots.

He was going to spend the rest of his life as the car of a little fleshling called Emma. Or at least until she reached the end of her life cycle. What he was going to do after that, he didn't know. But he was completely whipped. If the human would want him to stay, who was he to argue that? Now, if only he could muster enough courage to actually reveal his true form to the female.


	17. Chapter 17

Things were going great with Emma. They really were. She wasn't exactly sure when the change in her had begun, but then again, it didn't really matter. Because she was feeling great. She was almost ready to compare the situation with springtime. The ice had melted, the waters were flowing free again, and it was nice.

Of course, the pain hadn't really gone anywhere. It was still there. She wasn't sure if she would ever be able to get past it, but at least it wasn't dominating her life anymore. Life at home was nice. The walls of the house didn't feel like they were falling over her anymore. She spent more time with Lesley, watching kids' movies with the girl and attending her mock tea parties. She had even made it to the ranks of her sister's favorite tea guests, being granted the honor of being an honorary plushie. Daddy was the only other person that had managed to get such high ranks in the kingdom of Lesley's messy room.

Emma still wasn't able to face daddy. She still wasn't able to enter the kitchen, but daddy never forced her. He never said anything about it. But he still kept waiting for her to come to him after Lesley had been put to bed. And she still wasn't able to do it. They were talking more freely about other things really. Everything else but mom was nice and dandy between them.

At school, Emma was starting to reveal the more social part of her that had been buried deep inside her for years now. Nowadays she knew the names of all the friends that she spent so much time around. She felt ashamed to have to eavesdrop on their conversations to hear the names of people that obviously knew hers. And once Emma actually got to know them better, she started to like them. They were good people. For a moment she was amazed. What had she done to deserve such good friends? And how come had they not driven her away when she was in the clutches of depression? Surely she did not deserve this. Those thoughts died down soon though, and after that she noticed that school life wasn't that bad after all. Studying was easier and ten times nicer with friends. And they seemed to be happy to see the change in her as well.

She didn't get to see Max again. She had decided to steer clear from the auto mechanic course, finding another class like it instead. The new class she was now attending was simply called auto repairs and it was way more advanced than her previous course but she was struggling to get by. She thought it was only good that she hadn't met Max, she wasn't really even sure what she would have said if she did. Things had ended a bit awkward for them.

The car that she was working on, on the other hand, was starting to look pretty good. After a few classes on the auto repair course Emma had managed to get a grip and she had asked for advice with the renovations on the car. It turned out her teacher was very much into renovating old cars and he had bunch of good tips. Since the motors had pretty much repaired themselves – still a mystery to her – Emma was left with the exterior damage. And with the advice from a pro she quickly got on with it. Soon enough she had gotten rid of the rust covering the car and she had even repaired the parts where the rust had managed to eat its way through the metal. Welding wasn't actually that hard once you knew the basics and the teacher had been kind enough to borrow his welder for a while. Now the old-timer was waiting to get painted, but that part Emma was willing to give to the professionals. She had high hopes. Since daddy had started to pay for her driving school, she would soon be ready to get her license. And then she could just drive the old car out of the factory, get it licensed and then finally painted. He little project would be up and ready!

And that was how months rolled by, as quickly as they came. Things were really looking up in the life of Emma, and she couldn't complain. It all beat walking on a thin layer of ice.

Too bad it was only an interlude.


	18. Chapter 18

Emma woke up to the sound of the rain against her window. It was almost as if the falling droplets were trying to break down the glass to get in to the house, the voice was monstrous.

What a perfect weather for such a perfect day.

Time had flown by easier than usually and Emma had caught herself enjoying her life every now and then. Especially when she was working with the old car. Life at home was nice too, Emma noticed that most of the time she didn't even have to fake her smiles and laughter.

But not even all the smiles in the world could make her forget what day it was.

It had been four years now. Four long years.

Happy anniversary.

Emma got out of her bed to take a peek out of the window. The sky was covered with thick grey clouds that were going nowhere. She definitely didn't want to leave the house. Maybe she shouldn't even leave the bed. For once she could just stay down, stay there and sleep through the horrendous day.

But no, she couldn't do it. They were going to visit mother's grave today.

So Emma got to her closet and dug out her darkest clothes. It was only fitting to wear black on the day of mourning. It was only fitting.

Getting out of her room she assumed daddy and Lesley were still sleeping. They usually slept late on Saturdays. Yawning aloud she entered the kitchen, surprised when she found daddy in there, by the stove. There was a happy tune playing somewhere, Lesley must have been in the living room watching Saturday morning cartoons.

"Morning honey", daddy said with a strained smile. "Want some pancakes?"

There was something wrong. Emma stared at her father with a doubtful look.

"No thanks…" she said slowly and sat down by the table. She took the day's paper and started flipping through the pages.

"So, we thought that we should do something fun today", daddy said.

"Mm-hm", she answered, not really listening to him. There was an interview of one of the Autobots on the paper. Something about their life's work. Emma felt her knuckles go white around the thin paper.

Daddy was talking. First slow, but then faster and faster. She wasn't listening. There was a picture of the Autobot in the paper. He was in his bipedal mode, a metallic smile on his face. The paper started shaking in her hands. He was looking so God damned pleased with himself. How many people had he run over during his long life? Or had they also been, as they said: "Regretful civilian casualties"?

"So you'll come?"

Emma was startled out of her dark thoughts as she heard the sound of her little sister's voice. She lifted her eyes up from the rustled paper.

"Come? Come where?" she asked baffled.

"To the movie!" Lesley said.

Emma could do nothing but stare.

"We thought we should go and see the new animation today", daddy said moving to stand behind Lesley. He placed his hands over the small girl's shoulders and gave a smile that looked too worried to be real. "What do you think?"

What did she think? What did she _think?! _ She was furious. Suddenly the paper flew on the floor as she got up.

"You can't be serious", she said with forced calmness.

The two of them exchanged worried looks.

"We thought it would be nice to do something as a family", her father explained. "It has been so long since we went to movies together and I thought that now that you have… I mean…"

Emma couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"And after that…" she said, doing her damned best to keep it cool before Lesley.

"We could maybe go and grab something to eat at McDonald's", he said weakly.

That was it. He had crossed the line. Emma felt her insides churn, as if she was going to throw up. She couldn't believe it. Had they both forgotten? Had _he_ forgotten? How could he? She felt so betrayed.

"Do you even know what day today is?" Emma screeched, losing her cool.

"Daddy…" Lesley whimpered.

"Oh, don't you dare, you little wimpy girl, you have no say in this. How could you, daddy? You must know what day today is… You couldn't have forgotten!"

"Well, I thought maybe after four years it would be time to let go – "

"Let go? _Let go?!_ How can you even _say_ something like that? Do you…? Do you even…?"

No. She couldn't say it. She felt the tears falling down her cheeks and it was just too much. Lesley was looking at her like she was a monster. Without another word Emma grabbed her coat and marched out of the house and into the rain. She had had enough of this.

-o-o-o-o-o-

It was no surprise that she found herself in the old car after a while. It was her safe haven. Her place to cry and let go of the unwanted feelings. Shivering in cold she curled on the passenger seat and wailed in agony. It was not pretty, crying never really was. In movies all you really see are the silent tears trailing down from the eyes of the hero, but real tears were nothing like. She was loud, she was desperate. And she was freezing with the wet coat still on her shoulders.

That was when the heating system of the car suddenly kicked in.

"Oh, you old malfunctioning sweetheart", she mumbled through her tears. "You just know how to make a girl feel better, don't you?"

She could almost feel the car vibrating under her. She closed her eyes, heaving a sigh.

"It's mommy's anniversary. I can't believe it's been four years already. Where did all the years go? I mean, I'm just so pathetic, can't even get my shit together in four _years_. Ugh. Just think about it."

This time she was certain the car was vibrating under her. It felt soothing, really.

"Did I ever tell you what happened? I mean,  
what really happened, the whole story and all. I guess I didn't. Didn't feel like talking about it at the time. Would you like to hear?"

She pretended the car to answer affirmatively.

"Yeah. I thought so. Well, mommy was getting some groceries for us. She needed something special so she had to go to the supermarket in the city. I told you this before, didn't I? Well, we didn't know that there had been a Decepticon sighting in there and some Autobots had been sent to take care of the threat." She laughed bitterly. "Everyone thinks they're heroes, but just look at all the destruction they cause while fighting for 'humanity'. Yeah. Well, mommy was driving along the road, or so we were told, when the alien car drove by and then the Autobot following it crashed on her."

She fell silent. Her eyes were set on the far end of the factory, on the cracked wall on the other side.

"They say she didn't suffer, the impact killed her then and there. But the God damned robot didn't even get dented. All we ever got from them was a letter of apology, one of those that they send hundreds every year, they've got them printed out and waiting for shit to go down. My mommy was a regretful collateral damage. They could have not cared less about her. Some heroes they are."

After a long pause she continued: "So that's why I hate them all. I don't care which faction they're on, this is _our_ planet. They can go back to their crappy dead piece of shit all I care."


	19. Chapter 19

After Emma had fallen silent, she just sat there in him for few hours. She had taken her wet coat off at one point and moist was dripping from her hair every now and then.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

She had closed her eyes not too long ago but he knew she was not sleeping. The girl had stopped crying but he could still tell that she was grieving. His spark thumped painfully when he thought about her loss, the human was so sad it made him anxious. Even still he couldn't help but think about what she had said a few hours prior.

She hated them. She hated them all. It wouldn't matter that he was no longer a Decepticon, it would not matter that he had never been an Autobot. She would hate him all the same if the truth ever came out. And suddenly he felt afraid. Afraid of Emma finding out what he had been all along. She would run, she would never come back. She would hate him till the end of her days for fooling her into thinking that he was just a mere rusted car in the corner of an abandoned factory.

She would never find out, he decided. It wouldn't matter. He would become her trusted car and he would never let her know. That would be enough. It had to be. But he still felt empty inside.

The girl shifted in him, sighing silently and then hiccupping a little. When had those small organic gestures become so sweet to him? When had he started to care? Long before his consciousness came back online, that was for sure.

It would have to be enough. He _would _be enough. After all, he would never let her crash and die. Once the repairs were finished, he would be hers and hers alone.

There was one problem though. The Autobots. Whatever their reasoning behind the decision to leave him alone was, that wouldn't last long if he decided to emerge from his hiding place. Surely they would spot him immediately and come after him. They would reveal his secret.

Oh, he was screwed.

Emma had started to snore silently, resting her head against his seat. The former Decepticon vented aloud. He couldn't help it. The girl had wormed her way into his spark and was not leaving. He had been doomed from the start, maybe there was something to the thing these organics had come up with. What was it again? Karma? Yep. Karma was a bitch.

-o-o-o-o-o

Emma had not left his side for a while now. At one point she had left but returned shortly after with some human consumables and then she had once again curled into him, like she never wanted to leave.

And to be honest, he really didn't have a problem with that.

But she was not well. That much was obvious. The little organic was constantly crying, but after her little rant about the Autobots, she hadn't said a word. She mumbled every now and then in her sleep, but otherwise the only sounds she would be emitting were the sobs she was making.

She had been there for two days now. And the human was looking worse to wear. Not that he minded, but she really could have used a shower. And the Decepticon deserter wasn't so sure those granola bars would keep her alive and well, no matter how many of them she would consume. He knew humans could survive with little if forced, but he wanted better for his little organic.

At the moment, the human was wide awake, but still not speaking. Her hair was a mess. Her eyes had bags under them. The way she was moving indicated that her muscles were sore for sleeping in a car for a few nights in a row. She really needed to get back home, as much as it pained him to admit it.

How on earth could he get her to leave? He couldn't just drive her there, she would freak out – and after the revelation of her hatred towards all the Cybertronians he wasn't really looking forward to showing her what he was capable of.

Maybe he should just wait for the girl to fall asleep and then drive her back. There were a few problems though, one of which was the fact that he didn't know where she lived. He had known her for a long time now, and he still had no clue. Oh, the pains of being an immobile car.

He had heard of the Autobot that had lost his vocoder. The 'bot had been rendered mute, but he had managed by playing random clips from the radio. They had laughed at him with his fellow Decepticons – until the Autobot had shot one of them into pieces. The point was that he could have also tried that trick – the radio part, not shooting at the girl.

The only problem was that he was not familiar with human music. Sure, he had played the radio to the girl a couple of times to get her on the good mood, but that was all. Coming up with a song that would do the trick was one thing, finding it playing on some random radio station was another. And then there was of course the fact that the radio was a glitched old thing and the field in the factory was – as the human put it – not what he hoped for.

Letting out a frustrated vent of a sigh, he slumped down on his wheels. Why did humans have to be so complex creatures? Why couldn't they just be all simple and… well, like the other organics that infested the planet?

While he had been thinking, Emma had woken up. She had dug out a granola bar, and she was picking it apart with her fingers. The Decepticon deserter made an internal cringe as the tiny morsels of the bar landed on his seat.

Okay. It was now or never. He needed to come up with something. Maybe if he would just turn on the radio randomly, Primus would grant him some luck, and –

"What am I doing?" the female asked quietly.

His processors fell quiet. The girl was resting her eyes that looked tired even after dozing on and off again for a few days now. Then she opened her eyes and gave herself a scrutinizing look through the rearview mirror. She cringed and started fingering her hair nervously.

"What am I? A teenager girl having a temper tantrum? I am an adult now, legally speaking, and here I am, sulking like a little brat."

He rumbled in an attempt to calm her down, but it went unnoticed.

"God", the female muttered. "Daddy must be so worried. And Lesley! I can't believe I shouted at her. I should have known better. I shouldn't have… lost it the way I did. We could have just talked it through."

He was getting glimpses of the reasons behind her sudden outbreak that had led her to stay with him for these couple of days. She was nervously trying to separate some knots in her hair now.

"I should go home", she mumbled. "They… they are waiting."

She got up and climbed out of him. For a moment she rested her head against his alt mode's roof, though, and let out a long sigh.

"What would I do without you?" she asked quietly and patted him. "You know what? I think in few days you'll be ready to leave this dump. When I get my license, you and I are going to drive out of here, I'm going to get you painted and then… then… I don't even know yet. Maybe we should just leave for a while. Go on a trip. Somewhere _far_ away from here. How does that sound?"

It sounded great. And if that was what she wanted, he would be ready to help her with it. Getting out of the factory might have been a frightening thought for him, but the Decepticon deserter believed that with this little organic he could do anything. And the Autobots and Decepticons alike wouldn't be able to do anything about that.

Emma started walking away. Finally. He would have vented in satisfaction if he wasn't so sad that he was not able to take care of the one contact he had to the outside world. But it was better for her to get back home and deal with whatever problems she had back there. He should have been happy to see her go, but he just wasn't. He followed the heart beat of the female with his scans and thought about falling into recharge.

That was when he noticed the other organics approaching his human. There were five heartbeats getting closer to Emma.

"Hey, what are you doing in here, girlie?"

He didn't like the sound of the organic's voice. He could feel Emma's heart beat faster and faster.

"Please, let me go past", the weak voice of the female answered.

"Woah, that one's ugly. When did you shower last, grease hair?"

The Decepticon growled in frustration.

"Ha ha. Very wise. Now, if you'll excuse me…"

"Nah, stay with us girl. It's okay. Don't mind him, he's an asshole. We've got booze, c'mon. Stay with us."

"I… I'd rather not… I don't drink alcohol – "

The crew of humans started laughing and the Decepticon could hear one of them toppling over.

"What? You're kidding, right? C'mon, don't be such a prude."

He heard Emma hiss. He jerked a little, forcing himself to stay put. She did not want him to interfere, she would get so pissed.

"Let. Me. Go."

That did it. One of them had dared to touch his female? He would_ not_ allow that. He felt his engines roar into life almost on their own accord as he sped forward. The sound of Emma screaming further away made him push medal to the pedal.

The five males froze as they saw a big form of a car appear from the depths of the darkened factory. The Decepticon deserter felt the sting of pride as they cowered before him, but they had seen nothing yet.

Before the six organic he folded out, revealing his true form to them. Not a way he would have liked the truth to come out, but it was better than nothing. He held out his cannon, even though it would still take days to get the thing back online – but the puny organics didn't know that.

"What the hell?" one of the males squeaked.

He tried to order them to step away from the female, but only static came out of his vocoder. That seemed to scare the humans though. They scrambled, back letting go of Emma. The organics ran out of the factory like bats out of Hell. Pleased with himself the Decepticon turned his optics to the human female.

She was looking at him now. Really looking. Seeing him for the first time as the being he really was, not just a late night hobby.

He kneeled before her, trying to look as unthreatening as possible. The female looked like she had frozen over. Her heart rate was still accelerated and pupils dilated but he wasn't sure if it was because of the foolish actions of the males or because of him.

Straightening his servo slowly he tried to touch her. Like she had touched him so many times before. But the human flinched violently and he pulled back.

_Vocal processor: Offline_

Scrap. The female was just staring at him, eyes unblinking. He needed to say something. She must have been scared. He didn't want her to be scared. He tried to speak even though it was stupid. But he tried anyway.

That was when the female finally came to. She started screaming at the top of her lungs.

He realized immediately that it was not a scream of fright. The little human was not scared of him, not at the moment anyway. She was furious. She was cussing at him, shouting like there was no tomorrow and his audio receivers were ringing with the sound echoing in the hall.

Then, without a warning she turned around and ran out of the factory.

**Author's note:**_ A bit of a cliché that reveal of his. Anyway, I didn't pop up here to just ridicule my own story, I actually wanted to say thank you. Thank you for all of you who have found time o review! I can hardly believe I've gotten fifty reviews. Amazing! You guys are the best, it's so nice to see that people actually like what I'm writing. I'm very grateful and thought it would be nice to let you know this. Please don't be afraid to criticize either, that way I can work with things that are out of place and I can learn from my mistakes. Also big thanks to those who have favorite or followed. You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. _

_ But enough about me. I'd say we're half way through the storyline I have in my head and I'm so far quite pleased with it. I know already how it's going to end, but the way we get there is still a bit of a mystery. I'll try not to disappoint!_

_ See you in the next chapter. _


	20. Chapter 20

He was a patient mech. He really was. How else could he have spent a decade holed up where he had? But now he was getting impatient, and it wasn't a pleasant feeling.

The nanites were working at their full speed now. Things were looking good.

_Engines working with 87% efficiency_

_ Laser: Online_

_ Canon: Online_

_ Radio transmitter: Online_

One by one his body was repairing his features. The only one that still was damaged was his vocal processor. Something there had jammed. He had tried to pick at it, to make room for the nanites, but nothing seemed to work. He was either in a need of a good whack at his throat or small fingers that could find the problem without damaging anything.

But that wasn't the part that made him restless. No. At the moment he couldn't care less about his vocal processor. What bugged him most was the fact that the female hadn't come back.

He had waited for her on that night, quite sure that she would come back after the shock wore out. He had waited exactly where she had left him, trusting curiosity would drive the little human back to him. That was how these organics worked after all. He had waited patiently for four days.

It wasn't unheard of for her to stay out for a few days, she did have that 'school' thing to attend to and all that, but she always came back at some point. So the Decepticon deserter had just returned to his alt mode and sat back in the same corner that he had been for ten years. And then he had waited some more. The nanites were working on him around the clock, but he wouldn't have complained if the female had come back to try and fix him like she had done before.

He waited patiently. And waited. Every time his scanners picked up a life signal his spark would start radiating in its chamber but time after time he was let down.

On the fifteenth night he had had enough.

On his alt mode he rolled to the exit of the factory, hoping to go and find the female himself. If she wouldn't come to him, he would have to go to her.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Finding the girl turned out to be a harder task than he had previously assumed. Her trails had long since faded in the drizzling rain and Emma had never really told where she lived. But he wasn't a completely useless mech, he knew how to track and he knew how to use the human Internet. Three hours were spent trying to find something – _anything_ about the female on the net. It was not that surprising that what he found included various news reports about the accident that had taken the poor girl's mother away. He read a few and then kept on searching.

His patience was rewarded when he found the family's home address. It didn't take too long to drive the way over to her house. On his way thought he heard an alarm go off in the distance, but he paid no mind to it.

Almost all the lights were dark on the house. His scarce knowledge about humans stated that these organics preferred to sleep when it was dark outside.

Scanning the house he only found two hearts beating. One belonged to a small organic sleeping in a room at the farthest corner of the house, the other to a larger male sitting in the only room that still had lights on. But no Emma.

This would not do. It would not do at all. Making sure there was no-one around, the former Decepticon transformed and stepped over the small fence guarding the miniscule yard around the house. He cringed as he knew his large pedals were making the ground tremor under them, the 'Con tried to remain as silent as possible. He kneeled down to look through a window.

It was definitely the room of the female. It was nearly empty and almost lifeless, with the exception of the accursed grinder which had been left on the floor carelessly. But as he had known, Emma was not in there.

He was frightened to realize, that someone was approaching. The owner of the small heart beat had woken up at some point and was coming closer. Seeing no other way to escape, he turned back into his alt form, then and there.

Not one of his brightest plans. Now there was an old car on the yard of a row house just sitting there. He vented in frustration.

The door to Emma's room opened as the little fleshling got in. He could see these two were related, they resembled each other quite much. This little organic was dressed in a way too big night gown and she was carrying a plushie toy that could have either been a teddy bear or a terribly deformed bunny.

He already liked the little sparkling.

The little girl noticed him immediately. Instead of questioning his sudden appearance on their lawn, she walked to the window and opened it.

"Hi. My name is Lesley. What's yours?"

Shuddering in shock he tried to play the convincing role of a wreck of a car. It didn't go through very well, though.

"What are you doing in here? I thought you would have gone with Emma!" the girl said, getting a chair so she could reach through the window. "If you're not with her, then who is?"

Not seeing the point in staying in his car form, he shifted back to his bipedal mode, kneeling before the window to face the girl.

"Cool!" the girl squealed.

Surprised to see the sparkling didn't share her sister's hatred towards Cybetronians, he tried to question her. It didn't do much good, though.

"What's that? I can't understand you, Mr. Robot."

The Decepticon deserter managed to chuckle lightly.

"Well… Emma is not in here. She left. Over two weeks ago. She hasn't been home since. I thought she was with you."

The female had not returned to her home after her departure? This was worrisome. Where else could she have gone? If he knew her at all, Emma was a human that would rather stay on the comfort zone. That meant home or the factory. But now that both of them were… not so comforting… where would she go?

"I did have my doubts when she said she would go on a road trip for a while. Just like that!" little Lesley sighed, sitting down on the chair, playing with the bunny/bear's paws. "She never does that! And with that stupid boy too. But I guess she told daddy the truth after all."

The boy? What boy? There was no boy in Emma's life, as far as he knew. Unless the sparkling meant –

"Have you met Max? He has funny glasses", Lesley said wrinkling her nose.

Oh, that male organic was dead meat. He growled making the little girl laugh.

"I heard he was moving to live with his mommy now", the sparkling said getting up from the chair and pushing it back on its place. "That's where I would start looking."

He did not stay to watch the small organic get back to her bed. Instead he got back on his four wheels and drove off as fast as he could. He could only wonder how the frag did the little sparkling know of him, but there would be time to look into that matter later.

Now he had an organic to find. Again he thought he heard an alarm somewhere in the distance, but he could have not cared less.


	21. Chapter 21

Running away from the giant robot had seemed like a good idea at the time. Emma had felt betrayed, angered, the adrenaline in her veins had forced her to either fight or flee and doing the one thing she was good at, she ran.

But after running a while she realized she had nowhere to run _to_. She could keep running, her feet were already taking her towards home. She could go there, accept daddy's apologies, give Lesley a kiss and forget anything ever happened. She could try and bury it all down, once again. But that had not worked before. It would not work this time either.

She had nowhere to go.

Calming down her pace she ran her hands through her wet hair. It was still drizzling and it was getting cold again. She would have to find a place to rest for a while and she was getting hungry too. Checking the contents of her pocket she found tiny crumbs from a granola bar and barely enough money to buy a sandwich. She could go to the city, get a bagel or something and try to figure this all out.

So, her future car had been a Transformer. That was a shocker. Although maybe there had been signs, now that she thought about it. All those incidents that she had passed as malfunctions? The heater getting on suddenly, the radio turning on by itself. Yeah, maybe she should have noticed something was going on. An idiot. That was what she was. She had trusted herself with a car, how should she have been able to know it was an alien robot?

Kicking her feet on the ground angrily, she seethed. The damn alien had probably spent hours upon hours snickering at her stupidity, playing around with her. Even after she had told how she hated his kind, he had still kept his secret. The Transformers were all the same. They didn't care about the humans, not really. Yes, the Autobots might say that they were protecting humanity, but Emma had no doubt they would do so only until they found something more "important" to do. She could only pray that the moment would be upon them soon. She could hardly wait until she'd get to see them climb on a space shuttle that would take them all away.

The café was nearly full, she hated it. Had always hated. Crowded spaces made her feel ill, they made scream internally and wish she could just die already. The line to the counter was long too. She tried not to care. Her heart was thumping and her stomach churned uncomfortably. She stayed anyway. She bought the cheapest bagel she could find and got out as quickly as she came. While she'd been in, the rain had finally stopped. It did little to help her situation.

She should just go home. What else could she really do? She had no money, she had no place to go. She should just –

A car honk dragged her out of her defeated thoughts and for a moment she was terrified it would be the car from the factory. It wasn't. It was a light yellow Volkswagen Beetle on the side of the road. The driver was someone she really didn't want to talk to.

"Hey Emma", Max said lamely. "Whatcha doing in here?"

She lifted her bagel wordlessly.

"Cool, cool", Max said. "So listen. I wanted to talk to you. You know, about your… car."

Emma stiffened visibly and started to squeeze the sandwich in her hand so hard it almost broke in half.

"You need a ride home?"

Sighing in defeat she said: "Sure, why not."

Sitting in Max's car wasn't as awkward as she had thought. It wasn't really nice either, but it could have been worse. Max was a careful driver, unlike some other hormone crazed teenage boys.

"So… how's your car project going? Is it… is it… is it still going?"

"No", Emma said. "The stupid piece of… rust… was a Transformer."

Max managed to almost ram his newly acquired Beetle on to the car before him.

"_That's _what it was?!" he squeaked.

"You _knew _about it?"

"The thing tried to run me over! See? This is why I told you the course wasn't good for you!"

Feeling angered by his behavior Emma growled in frustration. "Well you could have been a bit straight forward about it, don't you think?"

"Yeah. I guess you're right."

For a moment they drove in silence. Max had done good job with the car, or so Emma assumed. It was running smoothly.

"So, what are you going to do now?"

The question surprised Emma, although it probably shouldn't have. It took her a moment to realize she was crying.

"Oh man. Was it something I said?"

"No… No", she struggled to answer. "It's just… my life… my life's a mess right now, and I don't know what to do about it! I c- can't go ho- home 'cause I had a fight with daddy and I c- c- can't go back to the factory 'cause the car's a big bad liar and… and… and…" she sobbed, "I have nowhere else to go."

Max pulled the car to the side of the road. Emma huddled up against the seat like she had used to on the car at the factory, but it didn't feel the same. This car was not him. It was soulless, empty. She let out a pitiful wail and covered her face.

"The way I see it, you really have two options here", Max said calmly, looking up ahead, not facing her at all. "You can either go back to your old life. Try and get things work, talk with your parents – "

Emma scoffed.

" – talk with the big robot alien and… well, work things out."

"What's the other option?" she asked sullenly.

"You get out of here. Have a break. Run away."

That certainly sounded familiar. And familiar sounded good.

"Run away? As in away from home?" she asked. Running was what she did on daily basis, hiding was like a second nature to her. But she wasn't sure if she was going to be able to run that far away.

"Yeah. I mean, you're obviously not going to do that, right? You're going to go with the first option", Max said with a smile. When Emma didn't say anything, he started to look concerned. "Right? Emma?"

"I can't go back", she whispered, looking him in the eye. "Not yet. I… I need time."

He was just looking back at her, as if he was thinking about something important.

"You know, I might have a solution", Max said silently.

-o-o-o-o-o-

And that was why Emma had stayed on the front seat of the Beetle, watching as the scenery turned into a blur. She had called her daddy, telling she was going on a road trip. With Max. On an old Beetle.

Max had actually been planning on moving back to live with his mother. Apparently he had lived with his dad for a while, but it hadn't gone as smoothly as he had predicted. Something about the blended family, he hadn't been too keen on talking about it, so Emma hadn't pestered. It had been a deal that worked both ways. Max didn't ask anything personal either.

As good as the idea had felt at first, as they had been driving away from her precious home town, Emma couldn't help but feel like a coward. It was far from a perfect getaway.


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's note:**_ A quick shout out to __icanhasacamaro__, who was kind enough to review (I hope I wrote your username correctly). First of all, I'm not at all offended, on the contrary! It's good that people point out where I've gone wrong. The thing is, in Finland they teach us that the comma always has to come after a quotation and it has to be placed after the quotation mark so I guess it comes naturally for me :/ I didn't even think it would be differently in English but after some disbelieving research I came to notice that you're right. How about that. My mind has officially been blown. You learn new everyday :D I'll try to remember that even though I'm afraid the Finnish style has imprinted itself into my brain! But hey, when in Rome! Thanks for pointing it out (: _

_ Secondly, yep, reading back what I've written Emma's age has been left a bit vague. Sorry about that. I guess I forgot all about that, it all seemed so clear in my head I didn't remember to type it down. I'll try to get the facts squeezed in there somewhere but just in case I forget again, here's what I had in mind. She is approximately eighteen or a bit older, still living with his dad though. Her mother's death affected her so much that she didn't give herself time to grow up. I designed her so that it would be like she froze over and hasn't been able to move past her loss. I guess she was a bit of a mommy's girl in the past and that's why she can't get over it. But thanks for bringing that up, I'm going to have to do some character development in the future chapters._

_ Again, thanks for everyone that has reviewed, followed, farvorited or just read this story, I know I haven't really answered to any of the comments or questions you have given before this but that doesn't mean I haven't read them. I just felt that this last review needed an answer, that's all. _

_ Keep reading and I'll keep posting! Love you guys!_

* * *

Okay, maybe paying attention to those alarms in the distance would have been a good idea. Well, it was too late now, even though the Decepticon deserter wasn't sure how listening to the alarms would have saved his hide anyway. He had no other option but to keep driving.

He had been tailed by an Autobot for over half an hour now. The mech hadn't shown himself yet, but he could tell the Autobot was there. The signal was hard to miss. And as the deserter kept driving on he realized there were less and less other drivers on the road. He had a bad feeling about this.

Even when the road was emptied save for the two Cybertronians, the Autobot didn't approach. He kept his distance, never getting too close, but trailing him all the same.

Since he wasn't able to speak, he tried contacting the pestering 'bot instead.

_"What do you want?"_

There was no answer from the 'Bot. The deserter was starting to feel nervous about this. He pulled up on the side of the road and vented deeply. This was going to be ugly.

The blue car that had been following him stopped few hundred meters away. The former Decepticon kept a keen optic on him when he folded out into his bipedal mode. The Autobot was no warrior, he looked too uncertain when he started to get closer. The 'Bot reminded the deserter too much of himself really. As the cannon folded out in the mech's arm, the former Decepticon shuddered.

"Transform and show yourself," the blue Autobot ordered with a slightly shaky audio. Malfunctioning vocal processors? Or maybe nervous habits picked up from the humans.

Not really wanting to pick a fight he did as he was told. He was only a bit taller than the blue mech, but size didn't really matter in a fight between their kind.

"What is your designation, Decepticon scum?" the Autobot grumbled, pointing his canon a bit too close to his faceplates.

Pointing at his vocal processors, he commed the 'Bot.

_"Broken voice box. And my designation isn't really any of your business."_

The 'Bot got closer, sneering now.

"I've got back up ready and coming right now, so don't you even think about starting something funny."

Venting out loud the deserter tried the good old human tactic in situations like these. He lifted his servos up to show he surrendered. The Autobot must have been new to earth customs though, he seemed to get more and more agitated over the former Decepticons actions than before.

"Stand down, Decepticon!"

_"Relax, Autobot. I'm not here to fight. Now, let me pass. I have more important things to do than stand here all day long."_

"You must be malfunctioning if you think I'm just going to let you go. You are coming with me!"

_"Like Hell I am!"_ He nearly growled at the 'Bot.

"I'm going to ask this one more time," the blue mech said, the cannon humming dangerously. "What is you designation."

_"Stupid malfunctioning pile of scrap! I have no designation, I have no rank! I'm a deserter you idiot. Let me go."_

The Autobot was not in a mood for peaceful debate. The Deception assumed the 'Bot had tried to shoot a warning shot but the beam came awfully close to comfort. Deciding he had had enough he transformed and drove past the Autobot knocking him over as he went by.

He had known it would come down to this in the end. Now he had the Autobots on his tail. He was lucky the female organic wasn't in him at the moment. Not only would she be scared shitless but also in danger. And most likely deadly pissed at the blue car now chasing after him.

He was not a fast 'Con. Had never been and there was nothing he could do about that unless he got an upgrade and that wasn't happening anytime soon. The 'Bot chasing him on the other hand, he was fast. The mech was taunting him now, circling around him like he was having fun.

Getting irritated at the Autobot, he tried to slam against him. He managed to scrape the beautiful paint off of that pile of scrap, there was a nice long mark on his side now, when the Decepticon had managed to stay looking just as bad as before. The other mech was furious.

_"You have no idea how much it costs to paint that off!"_ came the Autobot's furious screech through the comm. link.

_"Obviously I don't,"_ he answered pleased with his work. "_Now leave me alone."_

_ "Pull over, Deserter."_

The former Decepticon huffed. He made a sharp turn, trying to confuse the 'Bot but it did little to help his cause.

_"I said, pull over!"_

_ "I heard you the first time."_

The roads were all empty. It was more than suspicious. Most likely the Autobots had cleared the area. It couldn't be good. Now that there was no-one else around, they could nuke the road all they cared.

_"Look, I got no beef with your cause. I'm not one of the Decepticons anymore. It's not like I'm going to start shooting at civilians or anything. So couldn't you just let me go? I have someone I need to find – "_

_ "That's not the first lie I've heard from one of your kind, Deserter. You're going to be taken in for questioning if you pull over now. Otherwise you'll be torn apart, it's up to you."_

_ "I think you got it all wrong, deserter is not my designation – "_

_ "Stop your engines right now!"_

Grumbling to himself the former Decepticon wished he could just go a bit faster, he would leave the glitched Autobot behind and get on with his task. There were so much more important things going on and there he was, stuck on a road that would lead nowhere, with a prude little Autobot threatening to offline him.

The blue mech bumped into him, making the deserter lose his balance for a moment. The smaller mech was laughing now.

_"Okay, Deserter, this has been fun, but my backup is almost here. Turn off your engines or we'll be forced to offline you."_

_ "That is not my designation, you son of a glitch!_"

Suddenly there was a life signal approaching. There was someone else on the road, and it was not a Cybertronian. There was a human on a motorcycle driving on the other side of the road, getting closer faster and faster. The Decepticon knew at once the organic was in a wrong place at a wrong time and he could not care less why that was. If the Autobot wouldn't stop threatening him and start looking around the two of them would collide.

There was little time to react. He used it. Transforming in the middle of the chase he pounced up from the road, catching the human and his bike before they clashed against the blue Autobot. He tried to do it gracefully, but he was far from a pro. Thrusting the organic away he landed on his front, a Cybertronian equivalent of chest scraping hard against the asphalt. The screeching voice was deafening in his audio receptors, the tremors made his insides rumble and something clicked in his neck area.

His optics went offline for a second. A voice of static managed to escape through his vocal processors when a message was relayed through his processors.

_Vocal processors: Self reparations commencing_

Oh great. About time.

Groaning again in the strained voice he had the Decepticon tried to get up. He was stopped quickly as several warnings flared in his processors. He really had managed to pummel himself good. He was so not a warrior type.

The human. He had to know, had the organic survived?

Onlining his optics he tried to locate the human. A faint heartbeat could be heard somewhere close by.

Out of the blue the Autobot came into his line of sight. The mech looked ruffled and worse to wear but ready to kick his aft.

He was going to get scrapped.

"I saw what you did," the Autobot said sounding strained as well waving his cannons towards the human. "What the Hell was that?"

_"What? You were going to kill the fleshling? Don't you even watch where you're going?"_

"The road was supposed to be fraggin' cleared! There was supposed to be no-one there!"

The former Decepticon chuckled as he tried and failed to get up again. His processors told him it would take few minutes to get back going. If only he could stall the 'Bot that long.

_"Aren't you Autobots supposed to look after the organics?"_

"I'm warning you, Deserter, don't you ever mention this to anyone – "

_"That's not my – Oh! What do I even care? Fine, my designation is Deserter. Now everyone is happy. And no, you can tell everyone you saved the human, it's all the same to me."_

Now the Autobot was looking at him all weird. The blue 'Bot's optics were dimmed as if his processors were using all the energy and there was none left for the blue equivalents of eyes.

"You're not a Decepticon, are you?"

Huffing irritated, he tried to roll over instead of getting up. At least that he managed to do.

_"No, told you already. Deserter. Meaning I ran. Got cold feet. Call it what you will, I escaped from the war once things got too heated for my taste. Hid 'til now and would really like to spend the rest of my life away from my kind, if that's all the same to you."_

"If you hid all this time, then what the Hell are you doing out here? Or was this really the first time you've been caught?" The Autobot asked, genuinely interested now. It almost irritated the newly designated Deserter to note how quickly the mech had changed from murderous to almost friendly.

_"I have an organic to find."_

That made the Autobot tense and he realized how he had sounded.

"_My intentions are pure. No killing involved,"_ he relayed. "_I… I'm guarding this human and… well… we had a bit of a falling off and she… she kind of left me behind."_

Now the mech was smiling. "Oh, those human females can be so temperamental. There's this one woman at the base, who – "

"_Yeah, I don't care. Can I go now?"_

"Of course not. It's a nice story, but I still don't believe you."

What was wrong with these 'bots? They were nearly as idiotic as Decepticons.

_"Then I'm afraid I'm going to have to tell your superiors about how you almost ran over a civilian."_

That wiped off the smile from the mech's face plates. The Autobot could see he was serious and the former Decepticon knew it would be a bad blow to the mech's image if his almost-accident was to be found out.

"…Fine. Go. I'll tell the others you are a neutral party. Go, find your organic or whatever. But if we ever find out you've started working for the Decepticons again, I'm going to offline you myself."

Yeah. Good luck with that. He would never associate himself with those slag heads again. Leaving the seething blue Autobot behind he drove off, following the map he had uploaded from the Internet. After a short delay he was ready to get back on his original plan.

And besides, now he had a designation again, even though it might have not been as glorious as his former one. But glory had never suited him. Deserter. It was rather suiting actually.


	23. Chapter 23

Max's mother was really nice. Really. But Emma still couldn't help but feel awkward around the woman. She reminded her too much of someone else. And that was never a good thing.

Anna had taken her in, no questions asked and with smile plastered on her face like it was never going to wear off. Emma could only assume that Max had had a word with the woman before arriving at her house. She had been given a warm bed and a roof over her head, what else could she ask for? But she was not happy. Far from it.

Every night she called home. They talked a bit, not saying anything meaningful. It felt like things were slipping back to what it had been before and it made her stomach clench painfully. She had hoped the ice had melted for good but there it was again. Back where it had been before. Sometimes she could hear Lesley crying in the back when talking with daddy about something meaningless. It was all meaningless. And it hurt more than it should have.

But at least Max's mother was nice. Always smiling. And laughing. Like there was no care in the world.

Max helped her to get over herself a bit, they worked on his Beetle every now and then, it needed some tweaking here and there and the boy was more than eager to show how to do it. He didn't understand that she wanted nothing more than to beat his car into a pulp. Emma wanted to have nothing to do with cars ever again in her life. She was sure she'd never be able to trust an automobile of any kind again.

Emma got a few calls from Amanda as well. The girl had freaked out when she found out her friend had skipped classes and got even more furious when she told who she was with. Amanda had raged for a quarter of an hour until she'd finally managed to calm down a bit. Things were good between the two of them now, it didn't take much to anger Emma's friend but it wasn't hard to appease her either. Most likely she would forget about their little fight in no time.

All in all things were going smoothly. But she felt awful all the same.

"Emma, dear", Anna, Max's mother said gently pulling her out of her thoughts. "Would you mind going to the store? We're out of eggs. Would you fetch some for me, dear?"

"No problem", she answered. Max was out with friends. He had asked her to join them, but it would have been too much for her. She didn't get along with strangers, she hardly got along with her own friends. So she had stayed behind with Anna.

Anna was a typical housewife with kind and gentle voice, soft features and a tendency to wear pastel colors. She was a lovable person in every aspect and seemed to care about everyone and everything. She was a person who no-one could make mad. Her voice made the hairs of Emma's body stand up. If she closed her eyes, she could almost picture someone else on Anna's place and it almost made her cry. Almost. Being alone with her was torturous and yet there she was.

But now she was getting out. Given an opportunity she took it and slipped out of the house with money provided by Anna. There was barely enough coins to buy what she needed.

It was a new town, a bit scary and strange. There were no hiding places for her, there was nowhere to run. There was nothing to run to, no car, and no home. What had she been thinking, leaving with Max like that? She must have been out of her mind.

Still the thought of the devious Transformer made her seethe with anger. How could she have been so daft?

The store wasn't that far away. She had been there a few times, mostly with Max or Anna helping with groceries. She had thought if she would be forced to stay a bit longer in the town, she could always try and get a temporary job at the store. It was a beautiful day in a beautiful little town. Everyone was happy, there were kids playing on the street, lovers walking hand in hand. She felt out of place. Her fists clenched painfully and nails dug into her skin trying to prevent her from fleeing. She was so concentrated on not freaking out that she almost passed the store.

"Hello, dear", the older lady behind the counter greeted her. It was a small town. Everyone knew each other in there. It might have made her feel uncomfortable if her mind had not been filled to the brim with other matters.

"Hello", she muttered without making an eye-contact. She sauntered to the dairy section where the eggs had been placed for some reason and picked up a packet. As quickly as she had gotten in to the shop, she paid for the purchase and exited the shop.

She stopped on her tracks when she noticed something that she hadn't seen before entering the store.

There was an old car on the parking lot. It was just standing there as innocent as can be. Despite its age there was no rust covering its frame. No. She had been careful to grind off all the rust from it.

The eggs fell from between Emma's limp fingers as she couldn't tear her eyes away from the vehicle. There it was, standing in the broad daylight. She felt how her heart jumped up and down in her chest, as if it was trying to break free and flee as her feet refused to move. There it was. No. There _he_ was. He had come after her.

Emma started backing away from it slowly, keeping her eyes on the unmoving vehicle before her. She hoped he hadn't noticed her yet, the car was showing no signs of seeing her. Maybe it was just a car. It must have been a coincidence, he couldn't have come for her all the way from home, it was impossible.

She nearly slipped on the broken eggs when the door of the car swung open seemingly by itself. It was a clear invitation. He wanted her to come closer, wanted her to inspect. But Emma was no fool. She wouldn't go near that thing.

The eggs were ruined. There was no point in going back to the store since she was out of money now, but she couldn't really go back to Anna without them either. Anna would look at her with that terrifyingly gentle smile on her lips and say it was okay. She didn't want to witness that. Not taking her eyes off the car she kept on retreating. The further she got from the car the better. Her heart was beating crazy now, her head was dizzy and Emma was half expecting her legs to stop working any minute now.

The car wasn't moving. It just sat there looking all ordinary and deceivingly calm. For a moment she thought he would let her go, Emma thought he would leave her be. When the engines of the car came alive with a warning growl she actually squeaked in fear. Feeling instincts taking over she turned around almost tripping on her own legs and started running.

Trying to outrun a car. Genius.

The car rolled after her almost lazily. It bumped into her a couple of times softly as if he was playing around with her. She couldn't get away. Speed was not her friend on this one. She would never be able to outrun him, her only option was to mislead him, find a place to hide and wait. A perfect plan in her scared head was slightly bit harder to execute in real life.

She really thought she could do it. Hide from a gigantic alien robot with supreme censors that apparently had managed to track her down to this little town on the edge of nowhere.

There was a chilling sound of metal metal scraping against metal and someone screamed aloud somewhere. Emma didn't even have to turn around to realize that her fears were becoming a reality and the car was transforming. Before she could take another step gigantic hand scooped her up from the ground. The air was knocked out of her as she was quickly lifted from the ground to face the huge metallic monster. Emma tried to scream. She couldn't even muster a squeak.

The robot was trying to say something, it… he… was emanating strange scrappy sounds that could have been mistaken for words. She tried to squirm off of his hand and almost managed to get dropped down resulting in the metallic being tightening his hold. Emma could barely breathe in his squeeze.

He held her close as if trying to measure her in his red and lifeless eyes. He had sharp facial features straight from Emma's worst nightmares. She was gasping for air as the monstrosity pulled her even closer so she was nearly touching his face.

"P- p- please," she begged with tears in her eyes. "L- let me go. Please!"

For a moment it seemed like the thing was actually considering letting her go. It didn't happen, though. He started transforming again, changing back into the familiar car form. In the middle of it all Emma was tossed into his front seat and the seatbelt hooked around her almost desperately as the car started driving off.


	24. Chapter 24

Okay.

Okay, okay, okay. The plan had worked. He had found the female. Great. The female was now sitting in him, safe and… mostly sound.

She was also crying and begging for him to let her go. That had not been a part of the plan. Primus seemed to have a twisted sense of humor granting him his wish and then turning it all upside down.

Still no luck with the vocoder. It was getting better but that was not enough. He should have waited. He knew this. He should have waited for it to start working before showing himself to Emma. But he had been so anxious to see her. He had wanted to know she was safe. He hadn't been able to help it. One thing had led to another and after that things had taken a turn from bad to worse.

"Please," Emma rasped voice strained after screaming so loud and long. "Whatever I did to you, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Please. Let me go."

When he wasn't able to answer, she seemed to lose her temper changing from fright into anger in seconds.

"You son of a bitch malfunctioning piece of shit! Why the Hell did you let me in to you time after time? How could you just let me sit in you, talking about my… my… my feelings and… How could you?! I told you everything and not even once it crossed your mind… or whatever it is you have… that it was private?"

Yes, yes, yes! He had wanted to tell the truth to her, but it had not been the right time! If only the female would understand this. If only he could say it. He tried to tell her this, but only managed to let out a raspy groan that frightened the human more than reassured her.

This was not going as he had planned.

He didn't know what to do now. He wasn't sure how to act. Being gentle and nice wasn't in his programming.

Okay.

Okay.

He should start off slowly. Well, that was too late at this point, but he could still work this out. He had to. Because he was not going to let go of this organic. Not now. Not ever. She was his as much as he was hers.

First things first, he loosened the seatbelt around her. Feeling the strap slide down the human slashed to open it and take it off completely. He felt like objecting but then thought better of it. While he was still driving along the empty road she climbed off of the driver's seat and switched to the passenger's. He was fine with it, even though he had preferred it the other way around.

Emma had lifted her feet on the seat and was currently curled into a tight ball. She was seemingly calm now. Well, at least calmer than before. Feeling the need to get out of the road, Deserter drove to the side and stopped. They had been driving for nearly an hour now. The road was empty and sky was getting dark. The human just sat there.

"Was it you the whole time?"

It was a first coherent question Emma had presented to him since the semi violent capture. He wished he could have answered. The staticky noise made the organic flinch but this time she didn't seem as scared as before.

"Can't you speak?"

He managed to make out a sound that was pretty close to the word: "No".

"Oh."

She didn't say anything else for a while. He was afraid Emma would refuse to talk him at all. But he was wrong to be afraid.

"Since we are both familiar with the situation in which I speak and you stay deceivingly emotionless let me tell you something. I don't trust you," she said with a shaky voice, staying in her curled position. "I don't like you. I'm afraid of you and I want to get as far away from you as possible. What you did to me was unforgivable. What I told you was confidential. You had no right to listen to me and I hate you for that."

He didn't know what to do, how to react, to do anything –

"However, I am thankful that on the other night you saved me from those drunk bastards and since you have not yet killed me, I'm assuming that is not your goal. And no, I am not an idiot, I can see you are not an Autobot. It doesn't really help your case, but at this point nothing does." The female rested her head against her hands and let out a sorrowful sigh. "And to think I thought you were my safe haven. Well, this teaches me to never trust anything life throws on my way."

He let out a voice that almost sounded like the organic's name.

"Is that your way of saying you're sorry? 'Cause if it is, it would be far more convincing if I wasn't being held captive in you. Oh dear Lord, I'm _in_ you. That's… that's… disgusting."

No, it was not. It was completely normal, she was overreacting to everything now. He tried to hum calmingly, tried to make the little organic feel better by turning on the radio. Nothing worked. She was being so stubborn.

"Everything I told you was so personal. Do you even get that? Can you even comprehend how I feel about this? Or do you even care? Am I a little plaything to you? Some stupid human to keep you entertained? Did it feel nice to hear that my mother was killed by one of your kind, robot? Isn't that what you Decepticons do, murder just for the sake of it? Or is it even murder to you? Is it just mercy killing weaker life forms? Huh? Say something, God damn it!"

Emma was panicking now. She started pounding his dashboard, crying aloud.

"What is it that you want from me?!" she screamed and kicked him. He could hardly feel pain from light bumps like her kick, but the hatred behind it made his insides clench. This was not going well. It had not started well and at this rate it would not end well. The organic was hysteric. She would not listen to reason even if he was able to speak. Tired of it all he opened the door and expected the organic to sprint out as fast as she could.

The human stopped what she was doing and instead stared out, like she didn't believe her eyes. She stopped crying and gave him a doubtful look. When he said nothing she slid off of him as if she was afraid he would slam the door close while she was still standing on its way. He would do no such thing. The female took a quick step away from him but stopped again. She was looking so lost.

"I… I can go now?"

He managed to make a sound that could be interpreted as an agreeing one.

He wasn't expecting the angered huff the organic made. She crossed her arms and gave him the coldest glare. "You must be joking," she said.

He didn't understand.

"You drove me all the way here, we are in the middle of nowhere and the traffic is practically nonexistent. And you expect me to walk all the way back to Max's house?"

He grumbled at the mention of the fleshling.

"The least you could do is to drive me back."

Was she serious? She… She was willing to let him take her back? He didn't know if his audio receivers were malfunctioning or what was going on, but he surely was not going to miss this –

"Fine", the organic said and tried to get off. He panicked and lurched forward bumping lightly to her making Emma squeak. Nothing was broken, but she looked absolutely murderous.

"Sssccchrryy", he tried to apologize.

The female just gave him a wary glare but apparently decided to go with it and got back in. She curled back up and mumbled something about getting tired of it all. That was all she said in quite some time.


	25. Chapter 25

She hadn't been joking when she said she was getting tired. As the transforming robot alien car started heading towards Max's house, Emma finally felt herself relax. Adrenaline was leaving her body, making her tremble all around. The car seemed to think she was cold or something as the heating system started humming loudly. Not sure what to say about it, Emma decided to keep her mouth shut. Instead she closed her eyes for a moment.

He was pretty good driver. At least compared to her, but she had only recently started her driving lessons, so she had much to learn on that matter. But the car… Transformer… he was a steady driver. Emma could have fallen asleep, if she hadn't kept on pinching her arm to stay awake. She was _not_ going to fall asleep in him. Not anymore.

How many nights had she spent in him, sleeping, talking or even just sitting and saying nothing? Countless. For the four years that she had tried to cope with her loss, she had spent many hours with him. And he had never once tried to harm her in any way. He had just been there. And the saddest part was that after listening to her rants about her life, he probably knew Emma the better than any of her friends. And she still knew nothing about him. She had given herself to him, in a way. She had told everything and he… he…

She didn't know what to think. On top of her mind was the betrayal, she felt hurt after being deceived into thinking she was safe. Alone. He could have said something. Well, not say, but at least show. But he had been there. On his own way. But he had lied. Kind of. Well, saying nothing probably didn't qualify as a lie… Oh, she was so confused!

After a while the silence grew pressing and Emma started fidgeting with her hair. Her fingers sorted out the messy strands as she licked her lips nervously. She carefully touched the seatbelt. Then the seat. Could he feel it? Did he feel her discomfort? He knew everything about her and she knew nothing. Her breathing came out labored, her chest was heaving heavily. Emma felt another wave of panic approaching quickly.

The seat started vibrating softly, the seatbelt loosened around her and the car was making soft hums. It was almost… comforting. Emma clenched her fists shut and forced her breaths to calm down. Slowly she counted to hundred, whispering the numbers aloud to keep her mind occupied. The car humming with her and she wasn't that disgusted about it either.

"T- thank you," Emma whispered once she had regained her control over her body back. "It's been a while since I've had a panic attack. Well, nearly had one anyway."

It had been while she was in the car actually, when she had had her last attack. It must have been over two years ago, she didn't remember the details. She never really did afterwards. She had spent the whole night crawled up in the car… in him. And he had not thrown her out. He had not complained or questioned. He had just been there.

Hiccupping a sob she asked softly: "So. Do you have a name? Or wait… your kind call it the designation, right?"

The car made a sound she wasn't able to understand.

"Oh yeah. You can't speak."

An affirmative sound.

"I get it. That would explain why you haven't said anything about your… true form before." Playing with the line of the seatbelt she mumbled: "Sorry I freaked out. That wasn't cool. Sorry."

A puff of warm air blew out of the heating system. Emma tried to smile, failing terribly.

"And sorry if I said some nasty things about your kind. It's nothing personal, I just happen to have some bad experiences. Hope I… Hope I didn't make you mad or something."

The car was silent save for the purr of the engine. Well, purr was a bit of a stretch, but calling it coughing would have taken it a bit too far. He was comfortably in the between.

"You know what's the saddest part? At least from my point of view," she asked. "The thing I said to you all those months ago, the thing about you being the only one I can talk to, it's still true."

He was slowing down now. They were entering the town and soon they would be at Max's house. Emma tried to wipe away the tears to make it look like she hadn't been crying her eyes out.

"I can't talk to daddy, not about things that matter anyway, Lesley is too young, and my friends at school are… they are great, but they don't care. Max doesn't understand and all I'm left with is you." She stared out of the window, looking as the strange new town slid slowly by. She hated it there, but still she stayed. "And it's fucked up. Sorry, didn't mean to cuss like that. I have nothing and talking to you is… is… I don't know how to put it in words. I'm sorry. I… I shouldn't be bothering you with my problems. You probably don't even care. You have more important things in mind. I'm sorry. I was being selfish again and – "

The seatbelt tugged at her softly, cutting her off mid sentence.

She could tell he was trying to say something, the sound of it was softer than before as if he was trying to tell her that everything was going to be okay. Like he was trying to reassure her. Emma didn't care if that was actually the case as long as she felt like it was. She closed her mouth and nodded.

"Thank you," she muttered.

As they drove to Max's house, Emma felt the carefully built calmness slip away. Her hands started shaking again as her stomach lurched. She had forgotten the eggs.

"Well," she said with a forcefully calm voice as she stepped out of him, "thanks for the ride. Can't say it was a pleasure, but I think it could have gone worse as well." She shut the door carefully. She was half expecting the car to stand up, transform into the image of a terrible monster with ruby red eyes, but it stayed put. Parked up on the driveway like a good household car. Emma placed her palm tentatively on his hood. Then retreated quickly when she felt the scowl move under her hand. It had been a small touch, there and gone again. She turned around and dashed into the house, not daring to look back.

Her palm felt warm and tingly from where she had touched him.


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's note:**_ Hi there, it's me again. I have some good news for you. I just finished writing the first script of this fic yesterday and I now know how this story is going to end. If there isn't going to be any changes in the plot line, this fic will be 32 chapters long, so we're getting closer to the end now. I still need to work on the script to make it actually look like a story so I'll probably keep posting these new chapters once a day like I've done so far. _

_ Also, have any of you read the novel _Christine_ by Stephen King? For any of you that don't know about it, that's the thing Max is referring to in this chapter. I really recommend you read it. It's a good book. _

* * *

Max's mother was really nice. She never shouted or scolded or even furrowed. She was always smiling like life was the best thing she knew.

When Emma told she had forgotten about the eggs, she just smiled and said it was okay. That smile and reassurance made her feel even worse about slipping the eggs.

"Where were you?" Max asked, sitting on the sofa and facing the TV.

"I… I met an old friend."

"Oh. Cool. Small world, huh?"

"Yes. Small world indeed."

The fact that Max wasn't even looking at her while she was talking annoyed Emma greatly. She went to sit down next to the boy.

"You've actually met him before", she announced silently, waiting to see his reaction.

"Uh-huh."

Emma turned to face the television. She had no idea which of the comedy shows was on, they all got mixed up in her head until they were a big gray mass of laughing tracks.

"I think he's still parked up on your driveway."

No response. Max was too absorbed in the show, he wasn't even listening to her anymore. Emma sighed disappointed and ran her fingers through her hair. She wasn't sure what she was doing in that house.

"Have I even told you why I'm here? I mean in your house? Have I told you why I felt the need to run away from my home?"

"Yeah."

"No," Emma said. "I have not. And you haven't asked. At first I thought it would be nice, you know, to get away from people that know me too well. I thought it would do me good. But no, I still feel the same and I'm starting to get tired of it."

Apparently something funny was going on on the show since Max started to laugh. He was holding his stomach and cackling like mad. Emma just looked at him, a blank expression on her face.

"I thought it would be nice to be around people like you, carefree and oblivious. You know, you remind me of my best friend. I bet I could tell you my mom is dead and you still wouldn't listen to me."

"Huh?" Max said, finally tearing his gaze from the TV. Commercial break. Of course. How convenient. "Your mom is dead? When did you find out about that?"

"About four years ago."

He was giving Emma a blank stare that nearly rivaled her own.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" he asked slowly.

"I… I didn't feel like it," she said, turning her eyes away from him. "And to be frank, I don't think I would have ever even told you if it wasn't for the car."

"The what?"

"You know, he came all the way here just to see me. He didn't even kidnap me… for that long. He let me go just like that. Like… like he just came to see that I was okay or something."

"I think you lost me," Max muttered.

"And he made me realize," Emma continued getting up from the sofa, "that I can't keep living like this. I… I have to do something! I can't just keep waiting. I… I…"

"You what?"

"I need some time to think," she said leaving the clueless boy behind. Her head felt like it was about to explode. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do about it, but Emma knew that there was something that needed to be done.

Climbing to the house's second floor she went to the guestroom she was currently living in. Anna had been there again and the bed had been made for her. Paying no mind to the obvious lack of privacy in the house she picked up her cell phone ad dialed a number she had known by heart since she was little.

"Yeah. Hi dad. Yeah, I just called to tell you that I think I'll be coming home soon. Yes. I know. And… I think when I get back home… we… we need to talk."

-o-o-o-o-o-

The morning came with a chilling scream from somewhere downstairs. Emma woke up with a start, jumping out of her bed more quickly than she would have thought it to be possible. The wail of fear did not seem to stop and for a moment she thought it might be a good idea to hide under the bed.

She decided against it. Instead she did what any stupidly curious person would do: she went downstairs.

Anna was there in her sweetly pink bathrobe, laughing silently while trying to cover her mouth with her hand. Emma had thought Max's mother was the one screaming, but no, the feminine cries came from the boy.

He was shouting something incoherent while hiding behind the sofa.

"What is going on?" Emma asked warily, sifting her gaze between Max and his mother.

"It's _Christine!_" Max was whispering loudly. "She came to avenge!"

Anna doubled over and just couldn't bottle the giggles. Emma took a careful step away from the woman.

"I don't understand", she said.

"You! You brought it with you!" Max accused, eyes flaming with anger. "You fucking bitch brought the Devil's car with you!"

"Maximilian!" Anna exclaimed ceasing her laughter in an instant. "Clean up that potty mouth of yours before I do it for you!"

Emma heard him apologize weakly as she went to the front door. Just as she thought. The familiar car was still standing where she had left him, as innocent as can be. She felt her lips tug with amusement when she tiptoed next to the car.

"I thought for sure you'd be gone by now, even though I did hope Max would get to see you before you left. Well, at least one of my wishes came true. You should probably know that he is hiding behind the sofa at the moment", she told the car, giving it a shy tap on the hood like the night before. He felt warmer than usual, but that must have been because of the sun warming his frame. Emma retracted her hand slowly, unsure what to do with the Transformer.

The car was shaking a bit and Emma got the idea that he was laughing. She let out a nervous giggle as well.

"Am I right if I'm guessing that you are not planning on leaving any time soon?"

"Yeeeeeschhh."

His voice was creepy and made her skin crawl. Emma took a step back.

"…This is just great. I'm being stalked by a car. They are going to lock me up in a loony house."

The front door of the house opened and Anna peeked out.

"So it's your car then?" she asked with a smile.

Thinking for a moment Emma decided to go with the easiest option.

"Yes."

"That's nice", she said, obviously a lie. "Are you thinking of getting it painted?"

"Well… I was earlier", she said trying to come up with an excuse that didn't have the words "robot alien" in it. "But I ran out of money, so it was a no go."

"That's too bad", the smiling woman said, stepping out of the house the bathrobe only barely covering her flowered pajamas. "You know, there is a decent renovation shop not far from here, they don't charge much down there."

"Thanks for the offer, but I don't think – "

She felt something cold bump against her calves. She almost screamed aloud until she realized it was the car. Maybe she should have screamed even louder at that, but she didn't.

"I… I still don't think I should be spending all that money. Besides, I've been thinking about going back home soon anyway. I think I have overstayed my welcome in here."

"Oh, don't say that!" Anna said sweetly. "Max so rarely brings his friends over, let alone girlfriends."

Emma wanted to say that she was not that kind of a friend, but the sweet smile on the woman's face made her keep her lips sealed on a mock smile.

"Well, come in darling, let's have some breakfast. I think Max has come out of his hidey hole already."

She gave the car an apologizing look and followed Anna indoors. Meanwhile Max had managed to muster enough courage to peek from behind the sofa. He was pale as a lab rat.

"Is it still there?" he asked with a whisper.

"If you mean the car, then yes dear, it's still out there", Anna said and went to the kitchen. As the woman got out of the hearing range, Max bounced from his spot and grabbed Emma's hand nearly violently.

"What the fuck is that thing doing in here?" he hissed with panic clear in his voice.

Emma scoffed and shook her hand to get it free. "Apparently he followed me. I tried to tell you this yesterday. Let go, please."

Doing as he was told Max backed away, running his hands through his hair nervously, mumbling something on a low tone.

"I don't think he's going to do anything to – "

"Emma, that thing is not an Autobot, it's not one of the good guys."

She felt her face go pale. She didn't dare to say anything, she knew if she was to open her mouth it wouldn't be pretty. The Autobots were still a subject she would rather not discuss with anyone. After a while of gathering her thoughts Emma finally managed to grind out: "Well, we can't really make him go away now can we? Go ahead. Tell him to leave. See what happens."

"I didn't say we should be the ones to face him. We could call cops now, or the military."

"How would you even 'call the military'? Besides, I don't think it's a good idea."

"And why the fuck do you think like that?!"

She frowned at his harsh words and managed only barely to calm herself.

"Because I still have unfinished business with him. I need to talk to him and quite frankly… I need a ride home."

That made him gulp at words that he had planned on dishing out. For a moment Max seemed like he had lost his will to speak, he just stared at her.

"Yes. I have been thinking about going home. I still need to sort things out with dad. And I need to talk with… the car… as well. So, the sooner I'm leaving the better. I'm sorry this came out as a bit of a surprise."

For a moment she was sure he would blow up. He would get angry and shout at her and cuss and call her names. But then Max depleted like he was a balloon left in a corner and found three weeks after a party.

"Yeah. Of course. I knew this would come sooner or later. I guess I was hoping it would come later. I didn't even get a chance to use my famous pick-up lines. Bummer. But one thing I don't understand. Why can't you come with me? I mean to say, I can take you back to your house, you don't have to go with that… that… thing. It's only a few hour drive."

"I know", Emma sighed and turned her eyes on the window. She couldn't quite see the old car from where she was standing. "I guess I… want to go with him. As I said, we need to talk, him and I, and if we can't do that during the long drive home… well, then I don't think we'll ever be able to."

"Yeah", he said again, looking at the floor. "Sorry."

"About what?"

"About… everything I guess. I wish I could help you get through your problems. I wish I could be the one you could talk to."

Emma smiled weakly. "I wish it was you too."


	27. Chapter 27

Packing the little she had brought with her or bought during her stay in Max's didn't take that long. She hardly had enough clothes to fill a plastic grocery bag. Her necessities consisted of a toothbrush, hairbrush and a roll of deodorant. All else she had been able to borrow from either Anna or her son.

The two of them were overly nice to her when she was leaving. Anna brought her snacks she could eat if she got hungry during the drive, Max gave her good driving instructions even though she didn't think she would be needing those and both of them were fussing over her like she was some clueless kid. The attention she was getting was nearly overwhelming.

Emma wasn't sure if she was supposed to sit on the driver's seat or not. Sure, it would look weird if there was no-one driving the car, but these days Autobots were often seen cruising along on the roads, doing whatever they were doing when they weren't crashing to other cars. She stood before him, altering weigh from one foot to the other. Would it be offensive to sit on the driver's seat if he was going to drive anyway? Or was she expected to drive? She still didn't have her license.

"Emma dearest, are you ready to leave?" Anna asked sweetly, coming out of the house looking like a housewife from a storybook with her apron. The scene made a knot form in Emma's throat and she had to swallow a couple of times until she managed to get her voice back.

"Yes, actually. I was just checking that everything is okay. It's an old car, you know."

She could swear she saw the car tremble with laughter from the corner of her eye but thought nothing of it.

"That's great darling. Are you sure you've got everything with you?" Anna asked, nodding her head towards the small bag.

"Yes. This is all."

"Wait! Wait up!" came a familiar voice from the house as Max bust out through the front door. "Oh good, you hadn't left yet!"

This time Emma saw clearly as the car flinched. Max saw it too and stopped abruptly staying a good distance away from the metallic being. Anna on the other hand was blissfully unaware of the Decepticon on her yard.

"Well…" Emma said awkwardly. She had never been good at being social and saying proper goodbyes fell to that category. "Thank you for letting me stay with you. I… really needed a place to sleep so I could clear my head and you were kind enough to offer, so… thank you."

"You are welcome honey!" Anna said opening her arms as if wanting Emma to hug her.

She didn't have time to dodge as the hands clamped around her, pulling her to a tight hug. Anna smelled of lemons and baking soda. The smell was too familiar, the gesture brought too many memories to her mind but she couldn't struggle away. Anna must have noticed her stiffening in her arms anyway. The hug had felt warm. Comforting. Almost too nice.

"And you are always welcome to come and visit us again", the woman said retreating.

"Yeah, we aren't going anywhere", Max smiled.

Emma smiled too, only to realize that it wasn't a forced fake emotion on her face.

"Let me leave you kids to say your goodbyes. I have cookies in the oven", Anna said with a wink and left. Emma wanted to cringe.

As they were left alone Max took a step closer, forgetting about the car momentarily.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you? It wouldn't be a problem."

Emma nodded. "I know and thank you for offering, but I'd rather go by myself. Or with him, that is", she said lowering her voice and glancing at the unmoving form of a vehicle. "Trust me, I'll be fine."

She was surprised to see Max do as his mother had done and scoop her up for a hug. She didn't struggle and the hug wasn't as uncomfortable as the woman's but she wasn't exactly enjoying it either.

"I'm going to miss you. You take care of yourself, okay?"

"Yeah", she mumbled, leaning into the hug. It wasn't often she got this much attention and she wasn't sure how to deal with it. It was confusing, really. But she wasn't going to say that she didn't like it. On the contrary.

The two of them were startled when suddenly the car next to them came alive with a roar. The car rolled forward, bumping into Max. The impact was light but made the boy scream all the same.

"I think it would be better if I left now", Emma mumbled softly.

"Y- yeah", Max agreed eyeing the car nervously. "I agree."

The door of the car opened, inviting Emma to sit on the driver's seat. Well, that solved one mystery. She had to do nothing, the door closed by itself and the car would have probably left the driveway if she hadn't rolled open the widow to say her last goodbyes.

"We'll see again sometime, right?" Emma asked carefully.

"Sure. Sure. I'll call you."

She blushed a bit and rolled the window back up. The engine was grumbling sounding a bit angry.

"What?" she asked. "I can't have friends?"

When the grumbling quieted down a bit, she sighed.

"Sorry. Wasn't supposed to say it like that. Okay. Are we ready to go?"

The seatbelt snaked almost carefully over her, clutching her onto the seat.

"I don't have a license to drive yet so I was hoping you would do the honors."

The mechanic being rolled out, leaving the driveway. Emma turned to wave her goodbyes and saw that Max had already gone inside.

"Why are all my friends assholes?" she mumbled making the car shake under her in a movement that reminded her of stifled laughter. "That means you too, tin can!"


	28. Chapter 28

She was with him.

She was _with _him.

She was with _him._

The little organic was where she belonged, in him and on a way to home. Deserter could have not been happier.

Well, actually if he still had had Emma's trust, things would have been even better. But at least she was there. Free willingly. With him. It was a start and they could work the trust from there. Slowly and steadily he would show her that he was a trustworthy mech, starting by taking her home.

Now if only his nanites would finish their work with his vocoder. It was almost done, his words were nearly understandable now. It wouldn't take long until he would be able to say exactly what he was thinking to her.

"Can I… um…" the female was stammering, hands hovering over his radio.

He made an encouraging sound.

Emma turned on the radio and started flipping through the channels.

"I… I remember this one time…" she said carefully, looking like she wasn't sure where she was supposed to be looking when talking to him. "I had brought the grinder. And… you turned the radio on just like that. It was no malfunction, was it?"

He was surprised when he managed to say a clear: "No" to her.

"Thought so," the human said a sad smile on her lips. Why did her smiles have to be sad? Why couldn't he make her smile for real?

She seemed to find a station she liked and settled back on his seat. For quite some time neither of them said anything. Emma was nibbling her lower lip nervously, looking at the landscape as it went by. She was still edgy, her back was hardly touching the seat and she looked like every muscle of her body was painfully tense. Even though Deserter had thought he was used to the little fleshilng's silence he was getting a bit nervous.

"So let's pretend for a moment that I'm not mad at you," the organic said silently after a while. "You obviously know me since I've told you almost everything there is to know about me."

She sure didn't sound like she was pretending not to hate him but Deserter didn't even try to vocalize his thoughts.

"I… I think I would really like to know more about you. Would you… would it be okay if I asked some questions? Yes-or-no questions, those you probably could answer, right?"

He was more than delighted that she would try and socialize with him. He made an agreeing sound.

"Okay. Hmm. Okay," Emma said silently, playing with his seatbelt again. It felt nice having her touch him again, although the touches were careful and guarded. He guessed it was reasonable.

"Well I obviously know where you are from and all that," the female said more to herself than him. "The TV is full of documentaries from your home planet these days. Seriously, you can't even open the History Channel without hearing at least a teeny tiny mention of the war for Cybertron. You don't even know. Everyone is talking about your kind, they just can't seem to get enough of you. So you are… you are a Decepticon, am I right?"

"No," he managed to vocalize.

"You're not?" she asked curiously, shifting on the seat. "Well you aren't an Autobot either. Right?"

"_Ksschhh… _No…"

Her fingers were picking at him almost mercilessly now and he couldn't help but to flinch at her warm fingers. She let go of him immediately and Deserter almost let out a pitiful groan.

He tried to explain that he was neutral now, but that didn't work too well. The organic was frowning at him, trying to understand what he was saying. After a while he gave up and shut up.

"Are you saying that you weren't part of the war?"

She sounded so hopeful he almost lied to her to keep her hopes up. Almost.

"No."

"Thought so. So you are a… what was that word… recreant?"

He didn't exactly like the sound of the word but it didn't differ that much from deserter. So he said: "Yes."

"Huh," the female said quietly. "I guess we have something in common after all."

After that things started rolling out. Emma seemed to actually lighten up a bit in him, finally relaxing her back against the seat. She kept asking questions, meaningless little questions that made him feel like the most important mech in the world. An hour went by easily and he was relieved to notice that his speaking ability was working better and better. He was able to form simple sentences now even though his voice was full of static.

It was curious how important the little organic had become to him. She was his world. His everything. A small little human being with a soothing voice and troubled look in her eyes, he wasn't sure how he would be able to cope without her. Deserter had nothing, he knew this. He had left his old life behind when he had fled, he had accepted his faith believing that soon he would offline out of existence. And then there she had been, as lost as him, seeking shelter from the world. He had been given a purpose again and he thanked Primus for that. Now if only he could do the same for the girl.

"Oh God," the human in him muttered, holding her head and looking nauseous.

"W-_cchhh-_hat 's wrong?" he asked fearing she would vomit in him.

"I just realized I'm going home. I mean really _going home._ Daddy… Dad is going to be expecting an explanation. And Lesley. Oh, she must hate me now!"

"No," he said firmly.

"Oh, what do you know?" Emma muttered, closing her eyes.

"S-_cchhzs-_he knows."

"Knows what? Who? Lesley?"

"She knows," he repeated more clearly.

"Yeah, I got that. But what does she know?"

He thought about a simple way of saying it but at the end he only said: "Me."

"What does that even – ? Oh dear Lord. You did not show yourself to them, did you? Oh my God, what were you thinking?!" she was nearly screaming now.

"I was look-_chh_-ing for you. _Szzzt._ She was there. One thing led to another and _kchcssz_ –excuse me – well… Turns out she already knew about me. _Rzzt._ I don't know how though."

Emma flinched on the seat. She groaned and hit her head against him a couple of times letting out unintelligible noises.

"What is it, _kchhh_ organic?"

"Ugh. I should have known she would follow me some day. That girl is way too curious for her own good. How she found out what you are before I even had a clue, I don't know. She certainly got mom's intelligence when I got dad's daftness."

Deserter was surprised. It was the first time he had heard Emma talking about her mother so freely, even if the woman had only been mentioned as a side note. He wasn't sure if the organic had noted this herself or not but he didn't have the courage to question her on the matter.

"She is a sweetheart isn't she? Lesley I mean."

He hummed in agreement. The little sparkling was a good human being.

"I'm guessing dad doesn't know?"

When had she stopped addressing her father as "daddy"? But no, he told the organic, the father didn't know.

"Good. 'Cause I don't know what he would have done if he saw you. That man is as kind as they come but when he gets angry…" she shivered. "Let's just say you don't want to be there when that happens. And he doesn't really appreciate your race either. Just to let you know."

"He doesn't have to _szzzt_ know," he said silently.

Emma shifted again, looking at his dashboard with a look of mixed emotions on her face.

"What do you mean by that?"

Not sure what was being asked from him Deserter decided to say nothing.

"Huh? What did that mean? So you're not going to show yourself to him? What? So you're just going to take me home and then leave? You're going to toss me away now that things have been settled? Is that how you do things?"

What? No. No! He hadn't meant it like that! Where was all of this coming from?

"I mean I get it. I really do. You felt responsible after I ran away and thought you'd do the good deed of the day and fetch me back home. Wonderful. Well good for you, you have really helped me to get back to my feet, go ahead and dump me. Leave me alone, I don't care."

"I… I don't _kchhh_ understand…"

"I bet you don't."

Thinking for a while, running the female's rants over again in his processors he felt his spark radiate warmness in him. She was afraid. She was afraid he would leave her.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said as softy as he could. "I'm not leaving you."

"Yeah, right," Emma said and Deserter could see her eyes were leaking. "And why on earth would you stay?"

"Because I have nowhere else to go."


	29. Chapter 29

Emma had to admit, the Transformer wasn't that bad. Not after she actually tried to see over her anger. After the initial shock had finally worn out a bit, she found that he was actually quite a good listener. And even though Emma tried to deny it, asking him questions and finding out more about him was actually a good way to spend time during the long drive.

And now she knew more about him. He had been a low class soldier in the Decepticon army, a foot soldier, nothing more. Earth wasn't the first planet he had been assigned, he had been sent all over the galaxy with his comrades while the search for the AllSpark had been at its highest.

What terrified her most was to realize how _old_ he actually was. He was ancient. He had been out there when her grandparents hadn't even been born yet. He had been fighting and killing even before human civilization had been properly formed. Her mind couldn't even wrap itself around that fact. He was an ancient being and yet there he was, driving her home.

Half way through the journey her stomach started to growl. She could swear the car was laughing at her when she tried to cover the noise her body was making.

"Oh ha ha", she grumbled. "Could we take a break? I'd like to stretch my legs some."

Without saying a word he took the next exit from the motorway. Emma wasn't sure where they were going exactly but she guessed the robot had some kind of a GPS there somewhere. After a five minute drive they came to a rest stop at the edge of a small lake.

She loved lakes. Had always loved. She remembered how when she had been younger and Lesley hadn't even been born yet they had used to spend summers at a lake near her grandparents. They had built the biggest sandcastle ever – or so it had seemed at the time.

As soon as the car stopped, Emma jumped out and ran to the water line. Not hesitating for a second she took her shoes off and tossed them aside to get to the water. After rolling up her pant legs she got knee deep into the water. She sighed with a smile cupping her hands to lift some water to cool her face. It felt nice to feel the chilling waves hit her feet. Her skin got goose bumps. How long had it been since she had visited a place like this? Too long, that was for sure. The last time must have been while the whole family had still been… well, whole.

Behind her she could hear the car transform and walk closer. For some reason she didn't want to see him in his bipedal mode, she wanted to tell herself that he was just a car. It was getting harder and harder to make herself believe that.

"Are you sure you want to come that close to water? Aren't you afraid you're going to rust?" she asked facing the lake rather than him.

He was laughing at her know but wasn't getting closer to the shore. Maybe he didn't like water after all.

"I used to go to the beach with mom," she said quietly, almost certain that the alien couldn't hear her over the waves. "Before Lesley was born. We did things together all the time, you know. We were like best friends."

She heard the groan of the metal, the Transformer or whatever they called themselves was getting closer again. She took a peek over her shoulder to see him looking at the waves warily.

Turning to finally face him she took in the sight of him. That thing was huge. Even when he was crouched over like he was currently, trying to avoid the water at the same time he was trying to get closer, he was a giant compared to her.

"When I heard mommy – I mean to say mom – was pregnant with Lesley, I was really jealous at first. I didn't want anyone to come and mess up what we had. I was only… Was I only ten at the time? A real mommy's girl I was. I didn't want a small baby stealing her attention."

The alien stopped struggling with the water and sat back on his haunches. When he hunched back like that he was almost on a same level as her. Emma couldn't help but smile at him.

"The first year was awful," she said turning her back to the Transformer. "I was acting like a real brat, trying to get mommy's attention all to myself. I was always crying and screaming like I was the baby, not Lesley. It all calmed down though, after dad sat me down and we had a little chat." She laughed bitterly. "Back then we were still able to talk about things that mattered. Then of course there was the incident. You know the story. I was fourteen back then. Going through my puberty. Mom had been there, helping me through it all. We had been getting close again. Like before. And then… Wham. She was gone."

The waves were splashing against her feet and she forced back a sob that was trying to climb up her throat.

"I… I don't know what came over me after that. I… I… I didn't know what to do. I was so lost and… I shut myself out. I didn't talk, I didn't want to. I just wanted to… I don't even know what I wanted but I clearly didn't get it. And Lesley and dad seemed to be getting along so nicely and I got bitter and – "

She was shocked when sharp claw-like talons wrapped around her waist and lifted her up from the water. She was brought before the unnatural face of the monster that had played a convincing role of an immobile car. Those rage-red eyes were staring keenly at her and for a second she thought she could see compassion in them. A second was enough. She wrapped her hands around his metallic face and started to cry again. And he didn't complain. He didn't pull her away or toss her back to the ground. He just was there. Comforting her. Humming softly.

Yeah. He wasn't that bad. After you gave him a chance. Emma rested her head against his and felt the warmth of the metal calming her senses. She didn't want to say anything to ruin the moment. She didn't want to remind herself what she was hugging at the moment. So she closed her eyes.

She wasn't sure how long they stayed like that. Neither of them moved in quite a while. But after some time they could hear other cars approaching the rest stop. Not feeling like staying to meet new people Emma was placed on the ground while the giant robot got back to his car form. She got in, remembering she hadn't eaten the lunch she had been given by Anna. But it didn't seem to matter. She could always eat in him on the way. She doubted he would mind.


	30. Chapter 30

"Deserter," he said after a long drive of silence.

"Excuse me?" the organic asked as if she had been startled out of some deep thoughts.

"My designation", he said proudly. "It's Deserter."

Emma was looking at him curiously now. "Really? Was that a name given you by… um… How does a member of your race get named?"

"Long story," he said not wanting to strain his recently repaired vocal processor. "But I lost my previous name when I fled. This is my new one."

Emma smiled shyly. "That is a name you and I could both share. So you ran away then? I have some experience with that. What happened?"

She was really asking him? She actually wanted to know his story? After trusting him with her life's tragedies – well, trust was a bit of a stretch – he was more than willing to share his. A bit milder version of course, he didn't want to scare her away after receiving this little show of trust.

"I was part of the Decepticons", he told her, trying to sound shameful. He really was, but relaying his emotions through a vocal processor was hard. "Had been all my life. Didn't like it, but I had no choice. It was either that or offlinign. That means – "

"Yeah, I know what offlining means," the female said.

"Right. Well, long story short I saw my opportunity the last time there was a big attack on Earth and took it. I thought about… thought…" He fell silent. He didn't really want to tell her about his lowest point of life. His death wishes. It felt like it had been so long ago, but it wasn't. He had wanted to go into recharge and never online again. He had been desperate, lost and without a purpose.

"You thought about dying?" Emma asked almost inaudibly.

"…Yes."

They were silent for a while. He could sense how troubled the organic was and it made his cables twist painfully. He wanted to tell her that it had been in the past, that he didn't think about it anymore, but he wasn't sure how to put it in words. Over a decade of silence had left him at loss for words.

"I… I was lost back then," he struggled to say. "We… My kind, we are programmed to follow certain…rules. We have to have a meaning in our lives or we will be lost. I had nothing left after running away and my processors couldn't comprehend that." He was silent for a while until he added: "But I got over it."

"How?" she asked. "How do you get over it?"

"I got a new meaning in my life now. A reason to keep existing."

"And what is that?"

"Guarding you, of course."

Emma started squirming on him now.

"So you mean to tell me that…" she fell silent. "Okay. I… I don't know what to think. I just… I'm not really a fan of you… I mean to say I'm not terribly fond of your kind. And I'm sorry but this all is coming a bit fast and I… I don't even – "

"You want to run away. I get that," he said. "It is what we do, after all and I doubt that I would be able to stop you. But I'm afraid I would only end up following you anyway. Sorry."

"I'm not sure whether that is comforting or creepy," the human mumbled.

They were getting close to the organic's home and Deserter knew that Emma noticed this too. She was acting nervous like she wasn't able to stay put. She didn't say anything about it though.

"Are you worried?" he asked slowing down a bit so they wouldn't get to the destination that quickly. Lucky for him the organic didn't seem to notice.

"Worried? About what? About going home?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Well… I guess I am. I'm terrified actually. Facing my problems has never been one of my strongest suits. But I know my dad. He'll understand… if I'll be able to explain what I'm feeling."

She was still sounding unsure about it all.

"What are you going to say to him?"

She tapped his wheel nervously. "I… I don't know. It… It all sounds so stupid in my head."

Yanking her softly with the seatbelt he tried to encourage her: "Go ahead. You should know I'm not going to judge you. I never have and I'm not going to start today. What did you have in mind?"

He could feel her relax in him as if his words were what she had been hoping to hear.

"I would say… I would start by saying that it's time to talk. You know, go there into the kitchen and finally sit down with him."

"You know, I never really got the kitchen part. What's up with that?"

The organic moved around uncomfortably. "We never really talked with dad about mom's death. I know we both wanted to and needed to but it never had the gut to do it. Back when mom was alive, kitchen was the place for the family meetings, you know, times when we needed to discuss something as a family. And after mom died daddy tried to sit down with me to talk. I didn't want to. I… I had a little panic attack and… well, I ran, no surprise there. After that he said that it was okay and there was time. He said that when I was ready, we should have a chat. And since then he has waited for me in the kitchen, every night after Lesley has gone to sleep. I think he thought it would make me feel better about it all, but it didn't. It only made me feel worse."

The road was getting empty. The rush-hour was over and everyone had gone home. It seemed like they were the only two beings alive in the whole world.

"Well, back to the original topic, I guess," Emma said with a weak smile.

He hummed at that.

"I would say: 'Dad, I'm sorry I have been acting like I have. And I'm sorry that I ran away without a warning.' That's how I would start."

"And you think he would understand?" Deserter asked.

"I hope so. Then I would say something like: 'This has been hard for me as well.' And then I would thank him for being so patient with me. Yeah, that's what I would do. Yeah. And… and… then I would tell about you of course!"

"Me? But I thought your father – " he started confused.

"Well I wouldn't probably tell the whole story, not at first anyway. But parts of it. I know he's been wondering where I go every now and then but he has been too polite to ask. So I would tell him. You know, to show that I trust him. Offer him an olive branch of sorts." She shifted again, loosening her hold against his wheel slightly. Then she smiled again, a facial feature that made his spark thump with triumph. "And then we would finally talk about… the harder things. Mom. The incident. Everything."

It did sound good. It sounded marvelous. And he was going to see to it that Emma went through with her plan. She had helped him get back on his feet, quite literally, and he was ready to pay back in kind.

Suddenly his comm. link came alive with a buzz. The sound of it made Emma flinch on his seat and look at him curiously.

_"Hey, Deserter,_" a vaguely familiar sound rang in his processors. "_Haven't seen you… in a while. Well, not really."_

Oh great. It was the blue Autobot.


	31. Chapter 31

**Author's note:**_ Just for heads up, this is second-to-last chapter. Thank you for your interest so far!_

* * *

The fraggin' Autobot was back. Deserter saw him now, cruising along the otherwise empty road. He should have seen this coming. Should have noticed how the road had been drained from the other cars just like few days prior. He really was a useless mech.

"What was that sound?" Emma asked carefully. He had almost forgotten that the organic wasn't able to hear the comm. link, only the buzzing sound of a warning.

"Trouble", he ground out.

Emma took a peek out of his window and seemed to notice the blue car immediately.

"What is that…" her voice trailed off. "That car has no driver. A friend of yours?"

Her tone had gone so cold it made his cables twist.

"Not quite."

_"So… This is a bit awkward, but could you please pull over?"_

_ "What is it this time?"_ he relayed to the blue mech.

_"Turns out I wasn't exactly authorized to let you go so…"_

_ "You can't be serious."_

_ "Sorry Deserter. Nothing personal, really. Just… pull over, please. Let's not repeat the last time, okay?"_

But he did not want to pull over. He did not want to force Emma to face an Autobot, not after all the progress they had made. But if he would not… he didn't want to put the little organic into harm's way either.

"So… He wants us to pull over…" he said slowly, waiting for a hissy fit.

She just stared at the 'Bot. Unmoving.

"I see," she said.

"Is that okay with you?"

"Do we really have a choice?"

He slowed down then and there in the middle of the road. There was really no point in driving to the side of the road since there was no-one else around and Deserter highly doubted the Autobots would make the same mistake twice letting a civilian driver on a closed off road.

The blue mech folded out. "Didn't get the chance to introduce myself last time," he said cheerily. "The designation is Chain Lighting but they have taken to call me Bolt at the base so you may do that as well."

He was not interested to call the 'Bot anything at all. Deserter felt his door open as Emma got out. She was measuring the 'Bot with mistrust in her eyes and the former Decepticon was proud to notice that she was keeping close to him for comfort. He was not going to let her down. He would rather offline for good or, better yet, offline the blue mech.

"Hey! You found your little protégé. How 'bout that. Hi there little human", Bolt said crouching down. "Has Deserter been a good 'Con… err… mech, I should say?"

Emma fell back, bumping against Deserter's hood. She was yet to say anything to the other mech. Deserter transformed and carefully picked his little human up. In his servos he tried to turn her so that she wouldn't have to face the Autobot but Emma wiggled until he gave up. She was keeping a keen eye on the blue mech.

"Shy one, is she?" Bolt asked like he was talking about a child. "Anyway, thanks for doing as I asked. It's appreciated. The thing is," he continued getting serious, "we really don't trust in you that much. 'Cons don't change like that, it isn't in your programming. You're like a loose cannon in an orphanage to us, if you know what I mean. We need to put you under surveillance."

"Surveillance?" he asked angrily. "You can't be serious!"

"Deserter", Emma said quietly.

"It's either that, or we're gonna have to take you in. Sorry. Prime's orders."

"I will not take this," he said growling at the blue mech. The Autobots had no right to come and meddle with their lives. They had done enough to his human already, they would not do more. They would not mess up everything when things were finally looking up. "I've had enough of you Autobots, you have caused enough damage to both of our lives and I would appreciate if all of you would just leave us alone."

"Deserter."

"You have no say in this", Bolt grumbled. "You should be thankful that it is all we are going to do to you. We could take both of you into custody and questioning. I have no doubt that my superiors would be more than interested to know how a weak human girl ended up in the servos of a Decepticon!"

The former Decepticon hardly managed to swallow his roar of anger. They would _not_ take away his human. Deserter felt his canon come online as he took a step closer to the blue mech.

"I may not be a worthy warrior anymore, but that won't stop me from ripping your pathetic spark off of your chest – "

"_Deserter!_"

Flinching at Emma's desperate voice he turned his gaze down on the little organic. At some point his digits had curled around her waist and he was holding her rather roughly. Realizing this he immediately loosened his hold, afraid to break the frail being in his servo.

"D- don't you dare to… to… start _fighting _here on some random road. Don't you _dare!_" she squeaked weakly. "I… I'm having none of that! Put down your damn cannon right now or so help me… I… I don't know what I'm going to do to you but it's going to hurt. So put it down _now!_"

He couldn't turn his optics away from the little female. She was looking absolutely pissed. Scared, but angry all the same. Slowly Deserter lowered his canon, not tearing his gaze from his brave little human.

"But… This is an Autobot," he tried. "He could have been the one to drive over your mother. In fact, he nearly – "

"You have _no right _to use that against me!" Emma screamed. "I _know_ who it was and will never forget and lucky for... Bolt, was it? Lucky for Bolt it wasn't him."

He fell silent, feeling ashamed.

"Now…" she said slowly, evening her breaths. "I think we should think about this before we go all berserk on the Autobot. As much as I'm… displeased with them, I don't think fighting here will really do us any good. Think about it. If you did manage to… to…"

"Rip his spark out," he ground out resentfully.

"Yeah. What do you think would happen after that, huh? There are like dozens of Autobots on Earth now, more coming in every day. Kill one and God knows how many will take its place."

She did have a point. But he wanted to scrape that beautiful pain off of that glitch-heads frame.

"Please," Emma said quietly. "I just want to go home already. Let's do things the easy way, okay?"

He hunched down. How could he deny anything from her? He nodded his head sullenly, giving the blue 'Bot an irritated look.

"So, what's the deal?" Bolt asked.

"Do what you need to do," Deserter said putting Emma back on the ground. "Let's just get over with it."

"They really are temperamental, aren't they?" Bolt asked with glee.


	32. Chapter 32

It turned out that the surveillance would be carried out by a small tracker device installed onto Deserter's spark chamber. Piece of cake, Emma had thought. Setting it up on the former Decepticon took longer than she had thought it would, though. Bolt was obviously not a mechanic by trade and he had some trouble attaching the damn thing. Deserter had been grumbling the whole way through, whining about the tracker, how it didn't feel right and all that. But he had gone through it anyway.

It was already past midnight when they finally got back moving. Emma was so tired she could hardly keep her eyes open. Yet she didn't want to fall asleep. She forced her mind stay sharp by concentrating on the music flowing out of the radio.

"I think we have had enough excitement for a while, don't you think?" Deserter asked, sounding strained as well.

Emma smiled softly. She patted his dashboard experimentally and noticed that her resentment towards him had faded somewhat. Actually she was starting to like his attitude. At least now there was someone to talk to and who would talk back. Someone who knew her, knew how she felt and why.

"I think I agree," she answered silently.

They were getting close to home now. She knew this neighborhood. Here she had grown up. That was the playground she and Amanda had declared as their secret hideout as children, there was the swing set where dad had made her feel like she could reach the sky. Oh and there was mother's favorite tree, an old thing under which she had sometimes read stories to her and Lesley. If she squinted her eyes she could imagine mom sitting under there right now, in the darkness of the night. But that was just her hopeful imagination trying to fool her.

She was far from being what she had used to be before the incident. She wasn't the person she had been then, a mere shadow from that. But she was getting better. Slowly she was healing. She had fallen down and there had been no-one strong enough to help her stand up. It was rather ironic actually, that in the end it had been a giant alien robot from long since dead planet that had picked her up in the end. And now she was finally getting better.

Now they were so close that it made her stomach churn. These were the familiar row houses, here she had lived as long as she could remember. And at the end of the row there was the most familiar one of them all.

Deserter stopped just before the door. Emma drummed his steering wheel eyeing the yard nervously. Now that she was here, she didn't feel that brave anymore. Everything she had thought she would say to her dad seemed to disappear from her mind as the engines died down. Her palms started to sweat and feet tremble. She didn't want to get in there. She didn't want to go and face whatever there was to face. She wanted to run.

"Go ahead," the silent voice of Deserter grumbled. "I'll be here if you need me. But this one you've got to do by yourself."

"I know," she said quietly, fingering the wheel with anxiety. The door was so close. Yet it seemed to be millions of light years away. Her hand was trying to reach the handle of Deserter's door but before she could touch it he opened it to her.

"Thanks," Emma muttered. Her feet felt like they were made out of concrete when she swung them out. She got up. The world around her felt wobbly. Or maybe it was just her. She picked up her keys and walked to the door as slowly as she could. Then she opened it with the speed of a snail.

Emma was met with silence. Lesley must have gone to sleep already. But daddy was up. There was still a light shining from the kitchen. She gulped and turned to looks at Deserter. He was still where she had left him. He flickered the headlights on and off as if saying: "Good luck!" Emma nodded her head.

She took her coat off slowly, keeping her eyes on the kitchen. There was a familiar figure sitting by the table. He had not moved when she had gotten in, only flinched when she closed the door behind her. He did not turn as Emma got in to the kitchen, did not move as she sat down to face him. He looked so tired like he hadn't slept in weeks. Emma gulped nervously, trying to keep her face calm. Her hands were shaking on the table.

"Daddy", she said tears in her eyes. "I think it's time for us to talk."

End

* * *

**Author's note:**_ There you have it, folks. All thirty two chapters of _Peace of mind._ I can't believe how fast I wrote this fic, I think I broke some personal record. And I enjoyed every moment of it!_

_ I have a confession to make. I _hate_ naming my characters. It seems like I'm never able to come up with names that feel right to me. That's why it took me half a fic to name Deserter. I was just completely out of ideas. I mean, I had some and even one of you readers gave a suggestion (thanks for that, by the way, __Autobot-Bre__). But they all just didn't feel right and oh dear Lord, the ideas I had all sounded way too corny to work. And after reading a bunch of good and bad fanfics I got tired of all the fancy special names and got… well… desperate. But thank goodness for the muses that bring ideas in the form of songs. Was listening to Bad Company by 5fdp when it hit me. _

_ Another thing that bugs me while reading fics is that author's nearly always describe their characters to the finest point. I mean, I get it. It's nice to know the hair and eye color of the characters, length and weigh are okay I guess. But I just thought I would try to go with as little description about Emma and Deserter's appearances. Leave it to the readers to decide in their own little heads. Maybe I took it a bit too far, since Emma's age was left a bit vague as was pointed out to me and I'm sincerely sorry about that. But now I have learned. I just need to find out a subtle way of bringing things like that up. Hopefully it won't be a complete disaster!_

_ Now then, time to once again thank all of you who came here to read my fic. Extra points to those of you who are reading my Author's notes as well. (I admit I'm one of those assholes that always skip the other authors' notes. Sorry, I know it kind of makes me a hypocrite…) As an author who is new to the world of fanfiction I try always to write to myself but I can't help it, it was the nice reviews that had me returning time after time._

_ I doubt I'll be writing any Transformers fics in a while, but hey, you never know. At the moment there's an idea for Elder Scrolls: Skyrim fanfiction stirring in my head so if my idea starts to take a form that'll most likely be my next project. So sorry. I really don't like the idea of making sequels, so this will most likely be the last we hear of Emma and Deserter, although I think the first four chapters might need some editing. When I was writing those, I hadn't yet decided how the story would go so they have some obscurities that might not work with the later chapters. I'll just have to see if I'm not too lazy about these things. But anyway, since I feel I can't thank you enough, I'll say it one more time: thank you!_

_ Hugs and kisses. _


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